It lies between us. / ZB1

JAN-1-23-19

Just Wanna Be Alone And Watch As You All Disappear.

oooooooooooooooooooHYJooooooooooooooooooo

(TW! SELF H@RM)

A drunk dad, a cheating mom, an older brother that was fucked up from the start, and a little brother, who is hidden away from the truth.

Welcome to the Han family.

Yujin would like to call it a freak show, how they could act so calm and composed whenever they're around family and friends — but behind closed doors, they're fighting, disagreeing, arguing, shouting, screaming.

Voices. Voices. Voices.

Loud. Disruptive. Loud. Loud. Loud.

He wonders how long until his little brother would finally open his eyes and see the mess of this fucked up family, so that he can have a break from trying to hide the truth all the time. Every, single, fucking day.

It's nice sometimes, to have a sibling beside you so you can hug them while your parents are screaming and throwing stuff around the house in the living room. And not having to be alone to fear the times when your drunk father tries to break into the room after a huge fight and beats you up until you're unconscious.

He has told Sangwoo to close his eyes whenever their father tries to get into the room, and to cover his ears with his hands. He's still so young. Yujin doesn't want him to experience the same traumatic shit he has to go through everyday.

There's this pain growing inside of him. The voices in his head taking over, getting louder and louder by each day. He shuts himself in the bathroom at the crack of dawn — before everyone wakes up. It's his place. Where he can be here for a few hours and not hear these fucking voices that are driving him insane. To the edge.

The only time of the day where he can relax. And relieve his pain.

He grabs the razor blade out from the cabinet under the sink and naturally, a grin spreads across his face. His method of letting the pain go away, even just for a while until it patches up and he has to fucking slit his wrist again the next morning.

Just for the pain to go away. Just for a while.

He runs the blade through his skin, watching the blood flooding out and dripping onto the cold marble floor. That's right, cut yourself more. Fucking freak.

And he does. He cuts across the skin on his wrist until all he can see is blood. His own blood. Yujin watches in amazement. Fuck, why does it feel so good?

It feels so good just to let it out. Let the pain out. That feeling of self hatred and anger. Let out by his blood.

He sits there in the bathroom, back against the wall. Slowly losing consciousness, blinking back his tears that he didnt know were there. Then falling into a deep sleep.

—

"HAN YUJIN!"

Fuck. That woke him up. The Loud noise of his father's knocks on the bathroom door. He quickly rolls down his sleeves and wipes up the dried blood on the floor with some water, then unlocking the door.

Ah, his lovely father.

He hated how he's the splitting image of him. As if he doesn't already hate himself alot already. His dad has to be there to remind him.

"Sorry."

The boy gets shoved into the doorframe, hitting his head against the hard wood. He winces and rubs at the spot. Leaving to get back into his and Sangwoo's room.

"Better be, boy."

Sangwoo was still asleep, it was 9am already. Shit. They were terribly late to school. He gently shakes his brother by the shoulder, telling him that he needs to wake up and get ready for school. He quickly puts on his school shirt and then the jumper.

Did he forget something? Right. Homework. Textbooks. He stuffs them into his school bag. Then turns to Sangwoo, helps him button up his school shirt then take his hand into his own, walking out of the house quietly.

He drops off Sangwoo at his elementary school before heading off to middle school. It was his first year there, but still, it wasn't much better as it was in elementary.

"Gosh Yujin, you're getting skinnier day by day. You're gonna become a skeleton soon." One of the girls in his class stated, laughing with her friends after the rude fucking body shaming insult she threw at him.

He doesn't have the strength to fight them. He's too weak and messed up. If he did have the ability to, he would. And it would get messy.

Definitely.