What the sigma

COME ON SUCK ME EMO BOY

Beckett pov:

I got in my car and slammed my fists against the wheel. FUCK THIS! FUCK EVERYTHING! Why can'tn I for once in my life be happy with someone who likes me. I'm always the second option. I turned on the car and began driving, thinking about how easy it would be to drive the car into a tree and let myself finally be free from all this dumb shit.
I was greeted by my mom when I opened the door, "Honey are you okay?! You've been gone for 6 hours I thought you-" I heard her voice but couldn't understand the words all I could see was the bright green text. I felt like I had just been punched in the chest. "Hello Beckett, this is Keamyn's mother. I understand you two were very close. He just wouldn't stop talking about you, so it only seems right to tell you what happened. He had been struggling with his mental health and tonight it took our angel away from us. He's gone. Thank you for being part of his life, though short. We love our baby boy and it seems he loved you a lot. Thank you Beckett, thank you for being his friend." I muttered a breathless "yeah" as I stumbled to my room, my legs feeling weak. It's my fault. It's always my fucking fault. I never fucking do anything right. What the fuck. My knees finally gave way and I fell to the floor, resting my head on the edge of my bed as salty tears streamed down my face, pooling up in the corners of my eyes and slipping through my lips as I gasped for air against my comforter. I pressed my fingers into the bed so hard they felt numb. I cried until everything went black.

Sam pov:

Nothing had been the same without Beckett. He's everything I think about. Everything I see, everything I hear, everything I eat, everything I breathe, everything I dream, everything I know, everything I am. I love him so much it hurts. I'm nothing without him, without his love. He's everything and the only thing I need and the only thing I need was the very thing I couldn't have. Even if I could have him, he doesn't want me anyways. Am I not good enough for him? Is that the issue? I knew I was crazy. I knew everything I had done for Beckett was disgusting and wrong, but I had to do it. Something was making me and I just wish it would go away. I can't stop it. It makes me hurt them for him. I hate it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? JESUS IF HE DOESN'T WANT ME WHO THE FUCK DOES?! Have I not been devoted enough to him? Does he want more? I closed my eyes and grabbed at my head trying to shut it all up. How could I exist without him? I reached for the pocket knife in my drawer. I lowered the blade to my skin. Fuck maybe this would show him I'm devoted. As the knife dragged across my skin, I clenched my teeth. Dark red drops pearled up from the stinging lines in my forearm until it pooled up and spilled over. Dark blotches spotted the carpet below me. I pulled out my phone. Maybe he would check his texts this one time. It was worth the effort. I hit record, pointing the phone towards my forearm, the thin cuts soaked in dark blood reading "Beckett". I set the phone down, still recording and gripped the knife. I took a deep breath, fighting every sense telling me to stop as I stuck the tip of the knife into the inside of my wrist and running it up my forearm and through Beckett's name and up to my bicep. It took everything in me to not let out a scream of sheer terror. Blood poured out of the deep cut in my tan skin. I quickly reached for my phone, ending the video and typing out a quick message. I hit send as the lightheaded feeling got more intense and black started to cloud my vision. I finally let out the breath I had been holding and felt free. My mind was finally quiet.

Beckett pov:

I stirred awake, I was on my floor curled up next to my bed. My chest felt tight. Keamyn was gone yet a thought of Sam pulled at my brain. I reached for my phone, hesitating before finally deciding to unblock him. My phone was flooded with messages as I did. Hundreds of missed calls and texts. I scrolled up, glancing at the texts he had sent me. The messages varying from simple, yet expected things like "I miss you" to disturbingly vague texts like "I need you to make it stop" "Only you can get me out of here." I set my phone down taking a deep breath and resting the back of my head on the side of my bed. I closed my eyes until I heard a ping coming from my phone. It was a text from Sam. I opened it revealing a video with a message under that read:

"I loved you so much it was making me sick. I wanted to believe there was a world where we could be together. Where you would want me."

I dropped my phone as the video came to an end. The world suddenly went quiet.