countdown // beefleaf

5.

shi qingxuan didn't know what kind of game it was, nor how he felt about it. a part of him couldn't help trembling at the thought that he was being watched. he didn't have a way of checking it for sure, but he felt he xuan's presence surrounding him, albeit subtly, as if a visible uncrossable line has been drawn.

and the truth was, it has.

but then there was another part of him that made him feel grateful, even just in the slightest. the clothes, the handkerchief, then the blanket as well... not to mention his broken fan. all these little things, although truly small and meaningless, in reality held a great meaning. shi qingxuan simply wasn't sure if he understood it.

a year has passed without he xuan showing up or dropping another package. shi qingxuan slowly let his guard down and stopped looking around whenever he was alone.

on one particular evening, shi qingxuan sat near the lake densely covered with water lilies. they ranged from pale blue and pink, up until this single one of deep purple. he furrowed his eyebrows.

something in that moment told him, that if he was to turn around, he would see the branches moving. shi qingxuan shook his head and propped his chin on his knees, staring in the distance.

for years now he was living every day the way he should have; poor and mortal, but not really. he was rich in all sort of memories that hanged around his head every night, and mortal without the ability to die naturally. none of these things were to ever be regretted, but up until now shi qingxuan has never really felt so alone.

it was this kind of loneliness that didn't show up brusquely to slap you across your face. rather, it accumulated slowly throughout the days, climbing up to months and even higher. years have passed. shi qingxuan finally felt it locking itself around his throat like a cursed collar.

he sighed, glazing his hand around the water surface.

he worked all sort of odd jobs, from helping elderly merchants drag their stuff, to even sweeping floors in ghost city after one particularly hazardous party. the money he earned now was just enough to sustain his body, but not enough to truly feel full.

in days like this, he realised he couldn't even embrace the idea of starving. how could he live like this?

ah, yes. he couldn't.

shi qingxuan felt himself laugh bitterly into his knees. since the incident in black water's domain that shifted his life 180° downwards, seven entire years have passed.

seven years was enough to think everything through and successfully overthink it. no, shi qingxuan never hated his brother. never even thought one astray thought, because after all, it was all because of him.

shi wudu did everything he could to protect him.

regardless of the price.

for he xuan, to take revenge for the pain he suffered watching his own life slip away was also beyond questions. if he didn't, that's when shi qingxuan would ask out for logic.

but... even with the act of revenge played out successfully, why didn't he reincarnate? if all this grief and hatred was holding him in, wouldn't he be able to leave now?

but it's been seven years and tonight again, shi qingxuan felt his presence around. perhaps he was going crazy. he as surely going crazy, but now he couldn't even tell how aware he was in his own madness.

tears leaked out of his eyes and he rubbed them off rather furiously, finally looking up, "you're here."

it wasn't a question. it was a statement sounding more like a command than anything else. shi qingxuan immediately wanted to smack himself unconscious; confirmed, he was crazy.