The Weight of Shadows

Chapter 1

"But... but... you don't understand.'

"Understand what Adam? That you killed millions of people just because you loved me?"

'But they wronged you, they hurt you, you cried because of them".

"YEAH BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU KILL THEM," she took a deep breath. "They're still innocent Adam, you can't just go around killing people just because they hurt me. They could have families and you just robbed them of their father or mother, wife or husband, brother or sister or- you robbed hundreds of people because you killed their loved ones. You have no idea how much guilt I have inside of me right now because you did this. I-I can't do this anymore", she stuttered.

"Wha- What are you talking about" he breathed. He felt a stinging pain in his chest. He did all this for her and now she's refusing him? Refusing their love they had? Refusing what happened last night? He blinked back tears.

"Bu-but, you felt what I felt last night? You can't deny what we've felt towards each other for such a long time, you love me. You love me ri-righ-right??" he sobbed, trying to convince himself. It was like his heart was splintering and cracking under her words. Each crack formed with each word she said.

"I'm sorry Adam but this is over. I can't be with a person who kills people." she spoke, resigned. She pivoted on her heels and walked out the room. Away from him. Away from their love. Away from everything.

"YOUR A COWARD EVEYLYN, YOU'LL SEE, YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS. YOU DENYING OUR LOVE RIGHT THERE, WILL BE THE BIGGEST REGRET IN YOUR LIFE, DON'T YOU WORRY!" he yelled, feeling anger and pain, dread and fear of what was to come in the future. He fell to his knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. It wasn't his fault. He thought she would appreciate what he did. He was there with her when she was sobbing in her arms. He was there to comfort her. To make her forget. And now he's in pain, sobbing and who was there. No one. He wasn't appreciated. He wasn't loved. No one cared. His fathers words were coming back to him.

'You worthless piece of shit. Your nothing boy, nothing. Your own mother left you because she didn't want you. You're nothing and will always be nothing.' He kept saying between punches. "Everyone's discarded you, you can't do anything right. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE? Kill yourself. Can't you see that no one loves you? Save everyone from yourself.

He realised that his father was right. It was true. The facts were right there. No one was here. His mother ran away, his best friend is dead, his father was good for nothing and...the one person he thought would stay by him is gone. The one person he actually loved left him just like the others. Why couldn't she just accept how he is? It wasn't his fault his father trained him to kill like a machine when he was young. Why couldn't she just accept how he was? Why did people always try to change him? Why did everyone just leave him? Why should he keep giving and giving. Why can't anyone else give? What did he do to deserve this? Why can't someone be there for him?

He decided. He would end his life. No one would care anyway. Everyone he knew, either left him, didn't care about him or were dead. It wouldn't harm anyone. He could finally rest in peace. No panic attacks, nightmares, scars, reminders, flashbacks and his PTSD would stop bugging him. It could be over. A hysterical laugh bubbled up from his chest. A sudden thump could be heard as he fell to his knees. He laughed. He could feel the tears falling down his cheeks. Adam was delirious. He was actually delirious. Why hadn't he thought of this before. With just one move he could end his life and he would be free of everything that was holding him down. No more beatings, no more failed love, no more anger, fear, pain, agony, frustration, depression, grief. He could be free.