The Ruined Ones

Chapter Six

Shaun and his family had decided—with initial objection from Lewis—to ask Damien and Hannah to stick with them. Although gathering in a group too large may be dangerous, drawing attention to them easier, it was still a good idea to have a couple extra people watching their backs.

Two weeks passed by since the baby was born; she still didn't have a name other than Bub, Sweetie or Beautiful. Hannah had rattled off dozens of suggestions, and even Lewis and Damien threw in a few ideas, yet none of them were right. None of them just, clicked.

Shaun was still adamant he wanted to name her Ella; Katrina was remaining firm on Abigail. Stubbornness. The baby was apt to be called Bub, Sweetie or Beautiful for the rest of her life.

The rainy weather had tapered off and the last week had been pleasant. The winter chill was almost completely gone if you were out in the sun and there wasn't a breeze, so Katrina had been spending a lot of time out on the porch with the baby, as it was warmer out there than in the house.

She was feeding the baby a bottle of formula, more watered down than what the instructions on the tin said. With only one and a half tins, no guarantee they would find more anytime soon and the fact that she'd been producing only the smallest amount of breast milk, they had to make what they had last..

She'd expelled countless tears, was riddled with guilt, felt useless and pathetic. Her baby needed to feed and it was Katrina's job to provide her daughter with her life support. She couldn't even do what she was meant to; her wretched body just wasn't working as it should.

Hannah had consoled her, begged her not to blame herself while explaining that, as a mother attempting to breast feed, she needed to drink lots of water, eat healthy amounts of good, nutritious foods and not be stressed. All three factors were essential to whether a mother did or did not produce a prolific milk supply. It wasn't Katrina's fault that food was scarce, stress practically unavoidable and, although, at that point in time after all the rain they'd had, there was a huge supply of water within the tank on the property they were staying at, they wouldn't always have that in their favour either.

All she could do was continue to swamp her belly with water and try her best not to stress—but the latter was hard.

When she spent every night tossing and turning, barely able to sleep for fear of waking to find her baby had stopped breathing; terrified that no matter how careful she was, there was always a possibility her baby would just die in her bed. When every time her baby cried out of hunger, guilt's foul claws wrapped around her stomach and squeezed.

These things were hard to avoid; these things came with a compulsory dose of stress.

Staring down at her daughter, wondering if the rosy coloured mark on her forehead, just above her left eye, would fade with time or remain with her always, she hummed a tune to the baby she called Abby, when no one was around to hear.

She hummed and swallowed the sadness that was threatening to throw open the flood gates of her guilt and let the salty rivers flow from her eyes. She forced a smile to creep across her lips as Shaun approached her, Damien's compound bow dangling in his left hand.

"We're about ready to go hunting now, hun," he said as he gently stroked the head of the baby he secretly called Ella when no one was within earshot. "You and Hannah should be coming with us. I'd feel much better if you did."

"I don't feel up to it, Shaun," Katrina replied, her smile now left her face as quickly as it was forced there. "I just can't. I'll go back inside and stay there."

Shaun sighed, staring at her hard while silently debating whether or not to argue. He decided against it. He couldn't force her to come with them and she wasn't going to change her mind—she had that stubborn set about her.