Follow Where The Music Takes You

Blue Ain't Your Color

The whole Cullen family are all off hunting tonight, Thank You, God, the Devil, or whoever else is helping me! Because, I need this breathing space, so desperately. Edward is smothering me and I just can't get totally free of him, even for a moment. I think, no I know he's been trying to recapture what we had before he left me last September, had, being the operative word! Only you can't rewind the clock and what's lost is lost forever.

You see for me since we got back from Volterra it's cloying, grating and now just downright plain irritating. It was subtle at first, him just trying to make me think about giving him another chance. A chance I didn't want to take and I told him so and everyone else, repeatedly. I had lost all respect for him in Volterra when Aro asked him if he would change me, and he said no. Fucking No! Spineless bastard.

I was shocked, strangely unsurprised, then angry and finally hatred seeped into my heart, through the cracks and tears he had put there. If it had been before they'd left me, I probably would have said nothing. But after seven months of being alone, I wasn't quite that easy to push aside. So in front of the three brothers, I berated him for being a gutless weakling. Funny? How he's oh so conveniently forgotten all that and is now trying to get me to be his girlfriend again.

He's never once said the word mate, just the constant I love you shit, that I no longer believe. But with every passing day, it has gotten steadily worse. I know this trip was so I could get a break, but Edward was so angry about being ordered to go. Even Carlisle couldn't let him stay his eyes were black with thirst and therefore dangerous to everyone, except me apparently. He only went in the end because Jasper physically made him leave.

I have been using meditation techniques lately to try to strengthen my resolve against him and it is slowly working, keeping me semi-sane anyway. I never wanted to believe that he was using glamour on me, but I'm not so sure. Luckily Charlie has laid down the law and Edward is not allowed in the house at all and my room seems to have had metal, alarmed storm shutters put over the windows very recently, Jake's idea or Jasper's maybe!

But of course, Edward sees me at school and acts like we're still together, why I don't understand. I don't even sit beside them anymore or talk to him but it doesn't deter him at all. He thought he was so clever changing all his classes to be exactly like mine when we returned. That happened for one whole day and then Charlie called at the school and had all mine changed so we have no classes together at all.

He warned the school if this changed in any way, he'd take it to a higher level. Jasper informed me that Carlisle told Edward no more interfering, it was now drawing unwanted attention. I pretended to be surprised when anyone mentioned it, I was ecstatic really, as it was my idea! Edward may be a vampire but he's not that intelligent I now see it's never crossed his mind that was my doing.

I actually wasn't aware just how much stupider he was going to be until he tried to make changes to plans I had with Charlie. He'd caught me in the corridor for once talking to Angela, so overheard me telling her that I was intending to go to the rez this evening. Of course, Edward thought I was going to see Jake and he told me Alice said it was cancelled and I didn't need to go anymore.

I thought she couldn't see the wolves so how could that be right. Just the way he sounded, it was wrong, off, you know? I knew in my bones he was telling me a massive lie and I phoned dad from the girl's toilet. With the water and the hand dryer running, and also the toilet flushing of course. The one place where Edward couldn't go thank goodness, for small respites.

Alarm bells started ringing for both my father and me; he knew all about controlling men in his line of work and was beyond livid. So unknown to Edward, Charlie approached Carlisle and told him if Edward tried that again he'd arrest him, for anything or maybe just nothing, if he got his drift! Dad was convinced the next step would be him beating me and told Carlisle that and that he was this close to involving the F.B.I.