༺Masterpiece༻

XL :: Tie a Tie

The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, bathing the room in a soft, golden hue. I stood in front of the mirror, my fingers fumbling with the tie around my neck. I had managed to pull on a crisp, full-sleeved shirt, but this damn tie was proving to be more of a challenge than it should have been. Every time I thought I had it, the knot slipped loose, as if mocking my frustration.

But honestly, it wasn’t the tie that was the problem. My mind kept drifting back to last night, to Antonella’s confession. She was with someone—really with someone. And while I should have been happy for her, all I could feel was this dull ache in my chest. I had always thought that if anyone should end up with her, it should be Jimin. They just made sense together. But now, everything felt off, like something was slipping through my fingers and I couldn’t stop it.

I hadn’t spoken to her since that conversation. I couldn’t. Every time I saw her, I felt this weird mix of emotions that I didn’t want to deal with. So I avoided her, hoping that by keeping my distance, I wouldn’t bring my own confusion into her happiness. But it wasn’t working. The sadness lingered, gnawing at me, making it hard to think straight.

I cursed under my breath as the tie slipped out of my grasp again. That’s when I heard the door creak open behind me. I glanced up and saw Antonella stepping into my room, her presence immediately making me tense.

“Hey,” she said softly, her voice gentle but hesitant.

“Hey,” I muttered back, not daring to look directly at her. I kept my eyes on the mirror, pretending to focus on the tie, though my fingers were shaking now.

She came closer, her reflection appearing beside mine in the mirror. "Need some help with that?" she offered, her tone light, trying to break the ice.

"I’ve got it," I replied, a little too quickly, a little too harshly. I kept fumbling with the tie, but I could feel her eyes on me, and it only made my hands more clumsy.

There was a silence between us, thick and uncomfortable. I could feel her wanting to talk, to bridge this weird gap that had formed overnight. But I just… couldn’t.

“So, you’re getting ready for Jimin’s meeting today?” she asked, trying to fill the silence with something—anything.

"Yeah," I said shortly, still not looking at her. The cheerfulness in her voice felt forced, and it only made the knot in my chest tighten even more.

She sighed softly, and I could tell she was getting frustrated. She stepped closer, and I could see her hand move, like she wanted to reach out to me but wasn’t sure if she should. "JK, is something wrong? You’ve been… distant since last night."

Her words hit me harder than I expected. I didn’t answer right away, focusing on the stupid tie like it was the most important thing in the world. But my hands wouldn’t cooperate, and neither would my thoughts.

Then, her voice broke through my defenses, trembling with a kind of vulnerability I wasn’t ready for. “Are you not happy with my happiness?” she asked, and I could hear the pain in her words, the uncertainty that cut deeper than any of my own confusion.

My hands stilled, and for the first time since she walked in, I looked up at her reflection in the mirror. The sadness in her eyes mirrored the turmoil inside me, and I felt this wave of guilt crash over me. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but by avoiding her, by trying to protect myself, I’d done exactly that.

"Noona…" I started, but the words caught in my throat. What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to explain that my own feelings were a mess without making her feel worse? The question hung in the air, demanding an answer that I wasn’t sure I could give.