What happens in Marbella stays in Marbella

"The Sound of Despair"

"Damn! No couple who has known each other for years lives what we do! Do you think I don't see how you feel?"

I don't know what hit me harder. The fact that I was afraid to recognize any of my feelings, or the fact that he could not agree to what I was asking.
He was yelling, so I responded in kind.

"What feelings, Ferit, if you can't keep your promise, I'm out of here!"

I took the phone and headed for the exit. The last time I saw him, tears were welling up in his eyes and he was clenching his jaw tightly. Behind me, I heard him yell again:

"You're acting like a little child who doesn't know what she wants, Seyran!"

I stopped. These words made me furiously angry. At him! Or at myself.
Turning around, I started shouting back:

"What do you want, Ferit? Do you want me to take your hand and walk down the aisle with you?"

"You are so wrong about everything..."

"About what, Ferit? I don't want you in my reality." After these words, my eyes began to fill with tears. "I don't want to see you there, to be next to you, to know what you do, how your day goes, to miss you, to wake up with you. To love you."

The realization that each "I don't want" was the exact opposite and the understanding that this person would really leave my life in a few days... made my chest feel like it was filled with stones. It was so hard to breathe.

I couldn't even look into his eyes, but he just kept standing there.
Of course, I couldn't let him go. But I had to. I continued: "Please. If you can't. Don't do it."

This time, I looked at him for the last time. He was crying. Like a little boy, crying.
It doesn't happen like that, does it? I can't believe that in a few days this is possible. The last time it hurt me so much to say goodbye to my dearest person in this life.
And maybe I knew that I would miss him just as much. But how? How is it possible so soon?

We looked at each other in silence for a while. While my brain was ready to explode, I gathered my strength and turned around again. But I couldn't leave.

In an instant, he grabbed my lips with such force that it hurt. It was as if I had been electrocuted. He held my face as if it was going to slip out of his hands. My tension, anger, despair, did not subside. I really wanted just to cry.

As he continued to hold my face and lips, he moved one hand to my waist and held me tightly to him, again as if I might run away. I could feel his loud heartbeat through my chest, which finally melted me and caused tears to spill from my eyes and I began to respond to his greedy kiss. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders and finding his neck, I pressed him even closer to me. As if there was still room. 

As if we had just lost each other and found each other again. As if we hadn't seen each other for years and were already missing each other. It turns out that even a mere suggestion had such consequences.

I don't know what happened. Why it happened. Why it continues.
The only thing in my life that I put off thinking about until later. Maybe I was afraid. Maybe because I knew I would want it so badly. I know that my mind will either save me or destroy me. Or my only salvation will be this destruction.

We ate each other's lips, resulting in the taste of salty tears and blood. It was unclear whether it was my lips or his. Because we took turns biting them. This kiss was so chaotic, so intense, as if my entire blood circulation was concentrated on my lips, and my body began to go numb. We exchanged sounds that spread through every cell of the body and made us want so much that we started moving chaotically around the room, not knowing where to go.