Streams of Consciousness

Disgust

*TW* Topic is very gory and explicit. Please proceed with caution when reading this.

My body is decaying from the inside out. The stench of rot infects my clothes. It doesn't matter how many times I wash them. The odor remains. I can never feel clean again. Maggots chew away at my nerves. I feel myself short circuiting. I hear them gnawing away at my flesh. It's sticky and wet with blood. It's viscous saliva pools in my veins. It makes my movements slow and heavy. The pool of liquid swishes in my ears. I feel off balance. Dizzy under the depression of the air pressure in my lungs. My eyes mirror the world around it. I walk past a pole, and out comes a different person on the other side. I feel as if I might faint. The world is too confusing. I feel as foreign to these creatures that infest my body as I am to them. There's not enough room for both of us. I score x's into my skin. X marks the spot. The exit point is where these creatures must leave. I am the original inhabitant of my body. I deserve to be the one who stays. It was my turn with the body, Mother says. Mother isn't here right now to back me up. I just sound like a lonely fool ranting and raving for my mommy. I just want some support in my decision to end it all. I continue to mark exit wounds all over my body. I even began to carve words into my skin to indicate that their time is up. I lie in a puddle of blood. The only thing I see escaping me are little blood clots. Their squishy exoskeleton reminds me of the maggots that are holding my body hostage. The larva wriggle their way into my mouth. I feel them move against my taste buds. They taste salty and almost nutty. I crush their flabby flesh between my teeth. I can't feel my tongue anymore. They ate through it. My screams were like a wrought out sponge. They were twisted and dripping. No one was around to comprehend them. They were absorbed into the deafening silence. I coughed up bloody flesh. I try to draw in a breath, only to choke on it. I gag on the morsels of muscles and sinew. The maggots have overtaken every part of my body. My soul tries to escape the carcass. It is stuck in the slimy muscus trail left behind by the infestation. I sink further into it. What's the point of fighting the inevitable? They won. It's their body now. All there's left for me to do is to die within it. Finally, my body will be useful. Finally, will I be free.