[ZeeNunew] Unmendable Scars

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Nunew felt like he had forgotten something. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried, it still didn’t work. And Nunew himself didn’t have much strength for those, as well. Ponn – his cousin – told him not to worry. It was just a side-effect of the electroconvulsive therapy. Whenever hearing those words, Nunew could do nothing but nod, acting like he got it. 

Nunew had been admitted to the hospital for months, for electroconvulsive therapy. Ponn promised him that he would go home soon. Home – in her mouth – was a huge villa in which Ponn, her parents, and maybe Nunew himself were living in Melbourne. Still, it wasn’t the home Nunew had dreamed of that should’ve been located in Bangkok, like his left memories.

Sometimes, after waking up from the long unconsciousness or exhaustion due to the therapy, Nunew couldn’t help but daydream about Bangkok. Nothing clear, nothing impressive, but somehow, it got him wishing to be a child sleeping sound in Bangkok’s embrace. However, Nunew didn’t have much time for such dreams, because the side effects would exhaust him, mentally and physically, right then. 

Nunew had yet to learn about the date and time of living in the hospital. In his ỉmpression, most of the time was spent only sleeping. If he were awake, it wouldn’t be long. The only reason for him to stay awake was to eat something and let the nurse help him with personal hygiene before the illness dragged him down, again. And if he were honest, he wouldn’t rather stay awake, except for the therapy days. 

During that time, all Nunew could do was look up at the ceiling and wait until his mind calmed down. His nurse was a quiet type, which meant she would never talk much, except in need of his reaction and cooperation. Yet, to be honest, what would be different then, if she did talk more? His mind had been empty and gloomy already, and her voice would turn into nothing but white noise. 

Even so, Nunew still had chances to communicate with the world outside. Ponn always spent time visiting and telling him about her days, no matter how busy she was. Ponn was not only the only child of his uncle but also a surgeon in the Department of Thoracic Surgery of the hospital where he was staying. Thanks to Ponn, Nunew had gotten preferential treatment, including the hospital and treatment expenses, and the conscientious care from the nurses and doctors. 

Nunew had no idea how good the effect of electroconvulsive therapy could help, but at least it did change something in him, he could feel it. Although he still hated to eat because he knew he would vomit all of them after that, his fingers now could grab the spoon without shaking. Also, the less hazy his mind was, the longer time he could stay awake. And then, Nunew started learning how to think and turning the thoughts into words. 

There weren’t many Thai people in the hospital for Nunew. Except for Ponn, as he remembered, there were only two Thai nurses, including the one who was taking care of him. And he didn’t know whose the idea was, maybe Ponn or the nurse herself, but then the nurse talked more with him. Despite a sense of novelty at the beginning, Nunew couldn’t deny that she contributed a lot to his speaking re-learning.

One could say that the days in the hospital were something unforgettable in Nunew’s heart. There, he had forgotten a lot, but at the same time, he also gained numerous inimitable memories. 

Nunew didn’t have much impression of the period before entering the hospital. All he remembered was that his home was in Bangkok. not this city. In that place, there were his parents, his brother Tee, and also his little cat July, and… Who? Nunew faltered in his own memory.

It seemed that there was still a name lingering on his tongue, but Nunew couldn’t even utter it. And he didn’t want to try, either.

Nunew was discharged on a nice day, with warm daylight and a clear blue sky. He could never forget the feeling of his foot taking the first step out of the hospital and how relieved his shoulder was. It was one of the rare times he could feel the energy flow running over his body, in his veins, as a dry river waiting for the water. 

Completing the electroconvulsive therapy didn’t mean Nunew could live without treatments. Back home, he still needs to take the pills every day to steady his mental state even if the side effect was torturing him. The most melancholy must’ve been his uncle’s family because they had seen how a strong and happy Nunew looked like. 

As for Nunew, he had nothing much to think about. All he knew was that he was ill and trying to get better was his job. To be honest, Nunew didn’t like the pills, which led to the mess in his stomach or even his body shaking, at all. But the worst was that he never knew when such days would end. 

Nunew knew his impatience was no help, but what could he do then? He just wanted to see the one he loved not worried anymore. However, as far as Ponn said, good things needed time and process. Thus, all he could do now was attempt to be more patient during the endless medical treatment.

Nunew also created a magical spell for medicine’s time.

“Bitter pills kill the ill, therapy chases disease.”

To be honest, for Nunew, whether the spell did work or not, it didn’t matter. The fact was that he still could get through all of them, in the rest of his days living in Melbourne. The pills, his uncle’s worried looks, his auntie’s warm embraces, countless conversations before sleeping time with Ponn, and a few calls with the home thousands of kilometers far away.

And now, while standing alone in front of the Tullamarine airport’s door and waving to his uncle’s family, Nunew couldn’t help but smile. They still wanted him to stay with them a bit longer, and ‘a bit’ in their mouths was about months, but he only said no. Nunew had disturbed them long enough, already. 

Nunew was so grateful to his uncle’s family for their love and care. They had truly considered him as a member of their family, a son, and a little brother. Yet, it couldn’t be a reason for him to forget the actual family he belonged to, where his role was still irreplaceable. He would never forget that the only reason he had come to Melbourne at the beginning was for treatments, not for leaving his home.

Nunew, with a backpack on his shoulder, and hand pulling over the suitcase, waiting for his turn to check in. His fingers couldn’t help fidgeting the phone when his mind wandered.

Would be there anyone welcoming him back this time? 

Nunew panicked and woke up from the thought. Without any sign, the question just ran through his mind, suddenly and quietly, and disappeared, the same as the small pieces of his memoríes bothering his dreams some nights. He slightly shook his head to dispel the wild mess in his mind. 

“No way…” Nunew muttered, to no one, “It’ll be alright, Dad, Mom, and Tee are waiting for you back home, you know.”

Nunew tried to recall the calls he had gotten from his parents and brother, forcing himself to picture a perfect upcoming reuniting scenery at the Suvarnabhumi airport. When he got out of the airport, with luggage in his hand and backpack on his shoulder, he would meet his long-time no-see family. Maybe he would get a loving gaze from his father, a kiss on the cheek from his mother, and a big hug from Tee. Yeah, Nunew thought, hand unconsciously clenching a fist.

The screen on the phone was accidentally lit up by his careless thumb. Nunew moved the gaze to it, then he could feel his anxious mind gradually calming down.

The screen on his phone was a picture of his four-member family, at a cozy dining room. They were all so happy, he could say. By the smile on their lips and the light in their eyes. Including him. 

Nunew silently watched the lock screen set not long ago, and couldn’t help feeling like a little bit lost in the distant memory domain. After a few minutes, he slowly raised his gaze forward and finally took a step.

Yeah, he had nothing to fear now.

They were his family, and would remain his family.