Comfort/Fluff Fics

That Tapping Thing Red-Eared Sliders Do Except It's For Grounding/Comforting

Rocking against the wall, hyperventilating, and on his way to a full-blown panic attack.

Leo finds the scene in Raph's room at midnight. All the irritation and tension between the two of them is shot down by a surge of shock and concern. In a flash, he's on his knees in front of Raph. He asks the usual questions: "Can I sit by you? Can I touch your shoulder? Can you tell me 5 things you see?" but the big, trembling guy's eyes are distant and he's trying not to cry.

"Can I touch your face to help you ground?" Leo asks calmly, quietly, hiding his worry.

Raph nods, still breathing hard, still looking distantly at the ground.

Slowly, deliberately, Leo leans forward until his forehead rests against Raph's, and he begins softly tapping Raph's face with the tips of his fingers and thumbs. The pads of his fingers gently drum against Raph's cheeks and jaw, feeling scars and tight muscles and tears.

Raph closes his eyes, swallows hard, and follows Leo into a brief breathing exercise. His muscles are loosening, but the tears are increasing. They wet Leo's hands.

The big guy takes a shaky breath. "I'm sorry," his voice cracks and he sobs again.

"What are you sorry for?" Actually, Leo can think of a number of things he's wished Raph would apologize for within the past several days. The eldest has been so disapproving of Leo's plans lately—at least, in Leo's eyes. He always brings up a back-up plan in case Leo's  goes wrong, as if Leo isn't capable of coming up with good plans!

But Leo can hardly feel angry when Raph responds with a shaky "Everything" and sobs violently. Leo's arms are around his neck in an instant and he's squeezing his brother and shushing him and feeling his own heart break. 

Raph's arms are around Leo, hugging him with immense strength (though, knowing Raph, he's avoiding using all of it so he doesn't hurt his little brother). He's calming down a bit now. The sobbing turns into sniffles and hiccups. They remain embraced.

"I shoulda just let ya do your leader thing," Raph's voice is still wet, now muffled in Leo's hair. "Ya know what you're doing—dad made ya leader for a reason—I shouldn't tell ya what to do, I just—" His voice gets quiet and shaky: "I'm so scared of losing you again, Leo."

Ouch, not the heart. "Oh, Raph—"

"I'm so scared somethin's gonna happen to ya, and if I don't say somethin', it'll be my fault, and I just can't—I just don't—"

"Raphie, Raphie, Raphie," Leo coaxes the big guy to quiet, rubbing his back soothingly. It takes a moment to search for the right words. He gives Raph's head a kiss. "I'm staying with you, with everyone." His heart hitches when he feels Raph relax a bit at that. "Nothing that happened was your fault, remember? Even if something happens again, it's not your fault, okay? You're not responsible for making sure nothing ever hurts us."

"I know, it's just that I'm the oldest and—"

"We've been over this, buddy. Birth order doesn't mean anything—we all take care of each other. For what it's worth, though, I couldn't ask for a better big brother than you." He gives Raph a few strong, grounding kisses on the head and shoulder. He tightens his grip, voice quieter: "I worry about losing you, too."

There's a pause. Raph shifts Leo in his arms so he's cradling him in his lap, holding Leo's head against his chest with one hand and supporting his back with the other. He gives Leo's head kisses in return. "I'm not goin' anywhere, Leo. I'm here with you."

Only now—as his eyes water and his lip trembles—Leo realizes he's been longing to hear Raph say that. Raph must notice the emotional shift, because he begins gently, soothingly rocking them, holding Leo tightly to himself. Leo tries his best to wrap his arms around Raph's torso (hard to do when his older brother is thrice his size). They stay like for a while, maybe a few minutes or half an hour. Hard to tell as fatigue sets in.

"Would ya wanna maybe sleep with me tonight?" Raph murmurs with a mix of doubt, hopefulness, and sleepiness.

Leo nods willingly against Raph's chest and yawns. "I'd love that. Got enough pillows and blankets?"

"'Course," Raph lifts him up and takes them to the bed, laying Leo down before grabbing pillows and covers for them. "I always have extras for you guys."

Leo clings to Raph as they cuddle beneath the fluffy blankets and fall asleep to the sound of each other breathing.