Unluck

Unluck 1

"I have never seen such a failure in life, whenever I look in the mirror.
Honestly, it's quite amusing."

Gabrielle said to herself as she looked at her reflection in her mirror.
She laid down and hugged her pillow.

Maybe daydreaming is my only way to actually have a life at this point.

She told herself. Hugging her pillow tighter, as tears flowed out of her eyes.

For the past 3 years, Gabrielle lost a lot of jobs than actually gaining one. Unfortunately, she is losing a lot of options since every other that there is doesn't really fit who she is, and what she is. It just makes things even more difficult than it already is for her.

Born in pre-eclampsia, unknowingly, she is suffering from a lot of illnesses causing inconvenience. Non-life threatening, but nobody attributed her flaws and quirks into some disorder or illness. Living was basically more inconvenient than most. Because almost no one thought there was something wrong, and she's just weird, things turned into worse versions of it.

Truthfully, she just wanted to work in order to have money to feel ok.

She never wanted anything else. Not even relationships. Even friendships make her feel more inadequate as a human being. All she wanted was to feel comfort. Something no one could give her.

As she tried to sleep her pain away, her phone rang.

It was her brother from Canada.

"Hello." Her voice fell into a lifeless monotone.

"Gabrielle. Your visa went through. I will send you money for you to set up everything so you can buy the tickets and fly here. You'll be here within the month."

Gabrielle closed her eyes tighter. Finally, some good news.

"Hey? Are you excited?" Her brother noticed her silence.

"Yeah~ of course, I'm just a bit sleepy. But yes. What will I do next by the way?"

Her brother quickly gave her a set of instructions and said goodbye.

Gabriel can't believe it. Finally after 3 years of trying to get a visa to go to Canada has paid off.

But her body wanted to sleep. She fell asleep immediately.

Weeks after the call, Gabrielle and her dad made sure to do everything that was instructed and finally waited for the ticket.

She started packing her stuff as well.

Nobody in her friend group knows.

Not even her best friend, Zoe, who is currently in Canada, studying.

She wanted to make it a surprise, but at the same time, not make it a big deal. She just wanted to focus. For some reason, after a year of taking medication, her brain has stopped reaching out for "feel good" moments. Celebrating small wins became a task rather than a happy moment. Everything became dull. Grey. She even stopped drawing or painting. She is drowning herself with consuming media rather than creating.

She stared at her stuff on the box and her luggage.

There was a tug in her heart.

She looked up around her room. Her childhood room. The room that witnessed her pain and torment as she tried to live her life. She stared at the mural on the wall. The yin yang mural that reminded her of how life is. The good and the bad. The balance. She painted it as she was trying her best to stay afloat from all the torment she was going through.

As much as she wanted to feel the balance, she noticed that her life always leaned on the unlucky side. Always painful, confusing, failing. The good seems like it was never meant to even happen. Forgotten, ignored, dismissed, diminished. She never really felt the good, the bad was inevitable. Like it was always meant to be with her. Within her. Around her.