"Give me back my husband, you whore!" Grandma exclaims, her thin fingers, wrinkly with age and a testament to her growing weakness, wrapping in a tight grip around my wrist.
"Grandma, please. You're going to wake Jiwon." I try to plead, my voice sounding meek even to my own ears and upon hearing it she tightens her hold on me. Hard. My words fall on deaf ears as she snatches me closer to her, nearly knocking me into a nearby chair before she practically spits in my face.
"You think I haven't seen you latching onto his arm? As if he would ever go for someone like you!" I close my eyes, trying to remember that this is my grandmother. The woman who raised me. The one who put a stop to her life just to take care of me and my brother when no one else would.
Not even the people who brought us into this world.
"You are not yourself. Please lie down-"
My words are cut of as a cold palm connects with my face, its bony structure landing like stones against the skin of my left cheek.
For a moment I just stand there, eyes closed and refusing to open. I cannot bear to look at what has become of her, of us. Even when my eyes catch the slight trembling in the hand that just struck me, her entire body beginning to shake as if finally realizing what she has done, I do not move.
I am afraid of taking the wrong step and in doing so aggravating her further.
Only when I hear that soft voice I had grown up listening to, do I turn to her.
"...Hea." She utters my name, eyes nearly bulging out of her head as she stares at me. It's as if she is seeing me again after a long time of being apart. I can see the gears turning in her head.
And then, the regret hits.
She drops at my feet, desperately clinging onto the fabric of my pants as she weeps her soul out. I look up for a second, blinking away the bitter tears forming in my eyes before gathering myself.
I take a deep breath and lower myself to the ground, gently pulling her into my arms. She shakes and heaves into my chest, her frail body trembling like a leaf and once again I am reminded of how little time we have left.
"I'm so sor-ry... Hea... my sweet girl-" I struggle to remain calm as the sobs wrack through her body, muttering apologies and cursing herself in the same breath as she clings to me like a lifeline.
Coming to terms with the fact that this is all that is left of once the most powerful woman I have ever met is a different type of torture.
"It's okay, Grandma. I know it hurts." Is all I can say, my own voice betraying me upon seeing her in this state.
I wish I could say this is the first time but it's just the most recent.
Six months ago - give or take a few days - my grandmother was diagnosed with glioblastoma, the most lethal type of brain tumor. The condition is followed by sudden headaches, nausea, vomiting and - in my grandmother's case - severe hallucinations.
Half a year has passed and I still haven't come to terms with it.
I refuse to. You might think me unreasonable for choosing to deny reality at times but I simply cannot function otherwise.
The thought of losing her gnaws at my heart every day, muddling my thoughts and inspiring such hatred and anger that sometimes I find it hard to cope with.
Because it is unfair.
Why must she suffer in agony for the little time that is left to her whilst people who truly deserve to rot in hell get to wander about still?
Before allowing myself to jump right back into the dark thoughts that have plagued me since becoming aware of her illness, I tuck her head underneath my chin and begin to hum a familiar tune.
Rocking her back and forth, I am reminded of when I was a child. I used to wake up in the middle of the night, cying for my mother. Jiwon was but a baby back then and I had no one to rely on.
No one except the broken human coming apart in my arms right now.
She was strong once. And fierce. Kind, but never afraid to share her opinion even if it got her ostracized or abandoned by the people in her life.
"Never let people tell you what to think, Hea. Admit your mistake when you are proven wrong but don't abandon an idea simply because someone else doesn't like it. That's the death of character, plum."
A wry smile pulls at my lips as I remember the nickname she gave me when I was but 12 years old.
I had just found a bunch of sweet fruit she tucked away to make jam later and sneaked some into my room. I remember planning to share some with my friends at school but as soon as I took the first bite it was hard to stop.
Long story short, I ended up getting sick and throwing it all up.
My affection towards plums was short but intense and came to a tragic end as I have come to despise them since the incident.
I can still feel her hands caressing my back as I emptied out the contents of my stomach. Expecting her to be cross with me, you can imagine my surprise when all she did was kiss my tear stained cheeks and say:
"No point in getting mad over spilt milk. Besides, I doubt you'll come plundering my fruit supplies ever again."
And she was right. That night ended with the sound of her laughter filling the room as she teased me, talking about how I 'managed to make my own jam in my stomach if you think about it.'
12 year old me didn't want to think about it but laughed anyway.
She had a contagious laugh, my grandma.
Hurts even more when I remember that she will never laugh so heartily again.
"Come on," I start, pulling her up to her feet. "Let's get you to bed, hmm?"
Silence is all that welcomes us as we walk towards her bedroom, the tranquilty of the moment broken only by an occasional snore from my brother in the opposite room.
I grip her arms, holding her steady though trying to make it look as if she's the one pulling the weight. As someone so used to doing things on her own, the woman cannot bear the fact that she can no longer be as independant as she once was.
I cannot say I blame her.
"Watch the headboard." I whisper as I help her lower herself onto the bed, adjusting the pillow to make it so that she doesn't accidentally hit her head against the wooden material. Any injury towards her brain could aggravate her illness further.
"Go to sleep, dear. No need to fuss over me anymore. You have work tomorrow." She smiles and I stop. For a moment, I almost feel hopeful.
She hasn't forgotten me yet.
I open my mouth to respond, unable to beat the smile pulling at my lips but she beats me to it.
"Did my daughter mention anything about bringing the kids over to visit? I miss my little troublemakers."
Once again, all my hope is crushed as quickly as it came.
"You remind me of my granddaughter Hea, you know that? Oh, she's the sweetest little girl in the world! You two are so alike!"
Unable to bear it any longer, I pull the cover over her and place a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Sweet dreams, Grams."
She simply blinks at me, smiling in confusion as if she finds me peculiar until her eyelids slowly fall shut.
And I am left to nurture whatever is left of my sanity.
I need a drink.
YOU ARE READING
𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐘 ♕ jeon jungkook
Fanfiction❝You are here to look after my son and do as you are told. Nothing more.❞ ❝Should I grovel at your feet as well?❞ ◇ He's an asshole. He treats people like they're nothing but dogs to roll over at his...
