To Find The Lost Queen

Chapter 4: Regret

"Surely it doesn't take you so long to read a single page, Your Highness."

A voice startled her. She looked up and found a legendary monarch before her, urging her to close her book and scramble to her feet at the person in front of her.

"Empress Laurine." Sana curtsied in surprise.

The female master of war stood in all her glory, exuding an authority that only the emperors carried within them. She donned a gentle smile as she looked at Sana bow. Sana was definitely one of Laurine's favourites, with her history of battle and ability in war. She remembered the first time she met Sana; she attacked her, thinking Sana to be very easy prey with no war or military knowledge in her. But when Sana managed to dodge Laurine's strike then pouncing one of her own, Laurine was thoroughly impressed. She had even taken Sana under her wing to better her, teaching her that as a queen she must be able to fight for and defend her kingdom.

"What has your mind so occupied you forget to turn the page?" Laurine questioned.

"I was...merely thinking about...some responsibilities," Sana hesitantly replied, instantly giving herself away.

Laurine wasted no time putting two and two together as she gave her former student a sympathetic smile. Sana knew she couldn't hide her affairs from someone who knew her like Laurine did. They had spent more than enough years together to recognize each emotion in each other like the back of their hands. And assuming anyone close to her and Atlas knew of their marital problems, it was quite obvious what, or rather who, the source of most of her distress was.

"If the boy wasn't my nephew, I'd have made dust of his bones," Laurine stiffly commented.

The threats and anger directed at Atlas were nothing new to Sana. He had turned half his family against himself because of his adultery. Though many would applaud it, the reason most were against it wasn't even in her favour. It was simply because he was going against his father's wish, and his very own pledge and promise to her. That first reason angered his brothers mostly, while the second angered everyone else as they held Sana very close to their hearts.

"Have a seat." Sana reclaimed her own seat.

Laurine sat down with her plastered stiff look, not easing one bit.

"Why are you still with him?" Laurine asked as though she didn't know the answer.

Sana's gaze changed into one pointing to the obvious. Laurine knew very, very well why Sana couldn't just leave.

"The error my idiot brother made with his forbidding was not allowing you a way out," Laurine gritted through her teeth, making Sana drop her face.

"He had his reasons. Would you–" Sana quietly replied as she raised her gaze – "like some tea?"

"I'm not staying. I came to borrow a few Azirian warriors to train mine. I had left only for only 1 year and some of the Csilian warriors became lazy and unfit. At least you fish are consistent," Laurine said, her tone becoming lighter towards the end.

That elicited a light grin from Sana. Laurine had long since dubbed the Azirians 'fish' for their habitual environment of choice which was usually close to a source of water.

"You are welcome to join us if you want some space from Atlas," the Empress softly suggested to Sana as though she were something fragile, ready to break.

Sana had a silent moment of contemplation. The invitation was very tempting, she could use a mild vacation from the one who shattered her daily. As she was about to accept, a servant entered the quarters, kneeling before the females in the room.

"Empress Laurine, it is an honour to receive you. Pardon my untimely intrusion, but your presence is required in the council's room, my Queen," he said with a head still lowered to the floor.

Laurine sighed as she stood, Sana rising with her.

"That is my cue." Laurine walked to the entrance before looking over her shoulder at Sana.

"You are welcome to Csilia any time," she kindly reminded, then left.

It was all that was on Sana's mind; as she dealt with military affairs and intelligence, as she sat across Atlas who had no discretion pinning his stare on her while they worked with the kingdom's council. And when the meeting was done, she quickly left, thinking she'd get to her room and pack for the Csilia's, for her mini vacation away from her husband. What she didn't expect was to breakdown the moment she closed the door, sliding down with her face buried in her hands. Atlas caused her too much agony and yet she fought for him, for them. It was unfair on her. She was smarter, better than how he treated her and yet there she was, spilling waterworks over a loveless husband.

Atlas silently slipped into the bedroom. He walked over to the bed and stood beside it as he stared at Sana's sleeping form. For someone he wanted nothing to do with, she had so much power over him. He couldn't help adoring her features in her peaceful sleep. But as he looked more closely in the dimly lit room, he found tear stains on her cheeks. He wasn't surprised, he knew he was the cause of all her pain. He sat down on the bedside, burying his head in his hands as memories of being shunned for his actions replayed in his head. Everyone would always be against him if it meant protecting Sana. He loathed how she had turned his people against him, they didn't look at him the same again because they expected him to be as loyal to Sana as she was to him. They had even called her a fool for loving him still, saying she deserved better.

And perhaps she did, he knew she did.

He could put an end to it; the cycle of hatred that was developing. Soon, Sana would grow to hate him as well, and as selfish as it sounded, he didn't want that. He could free both of them with Orion's plan; he could be with the woman he desired, and she could be free with her life to live however she wanted away from him.

He spent hours wrestling internally on his decision until finally sending a dove to carry his response to Orion. He thought he'd feel at peace with his decision, so the dread came as a surprise to him. He shrugged it off and managed to go to sleep with his eyes taped to Sana's beautiful face.