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'Cedrian Na'ari Montel' | Instagram model | 22
Recently life has been treating me like absolute garbage, I've been so distracted since I found out my father is sick, my family kept it hidden from me but still won't tell me his diagnosis it's like they know my father is going to pass away.
Because of this I've decided that I'll be going back to my hometown for a little bit just to make sure that my father is doing okay, all medication, surgeries or whatever he is in need of is covered.
They all have health insurance but I can't sleep at night not knowing how my father is doing and not no one not tell me what is going on.
If they won't tell me I have to go find out for myself, maybe I'll finally be able to sleep comfortably at night without tossing and turning waiting for a call or a text. "Malik I promise you I'll be fine, I'll be with my family you don't have to come with me".
"I know baby, I'll miss you".
Leaning into his touch I let out a sigh with Malik not knowing this will probably be the last time we'll ever see each other.
We've been through it all together and the worst thing about our relationship is that Malik was the best guy I've ever dated and given my all to, I hated how each passed day where I started to look at Malik as a friend more than my boyfriend and lover.
We started to date junior year of high school and I've gotten to the point where that love that I was once had for vanished, I'm still with him for two reasons: one I'm trying to convince myself that my love will come back and two: I'll break his heart and I do not know how to cope with that.
I haven't been that sentimental or empathetic when it came to things as a result of my childhood and my parents trying to make ends meet that they barely had enough time for me and my siblings. My older sister raised us and she taught us things about the world that no young child should know.
She also went through a lot with our parents and personal experiences with other people that she couldn't allow us to go throughout life thinking everything is cupcake and rainbows when it's not. My older sister didn't have time to be the loving, older sister that we wanted, she had to be stern in order to get us to listen.
We never really took her seriously as we always let her know she isn't our mother, I hated when she spoke to us any kind of way where younger me just thought she was abusing her authority over us. She never hit us or anything like that but she was tough. Being raised by her felt like I was in boot camp or something. I hated it.
I was never the problem child, I always kept to myself. Whatever I was going through nobody knew because I didn't know how to tell them, when people cried, or showed their emotions around me it'll make my skin crawl and my stomach churn from crippling stress and anxiety or not knowing how to deal with them.
