Into The Wild Blue

The Outsider

Help me if you can
It's just that this
Is not the way I'm wired, so
Could you please
Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Reckless dark desires

Such a mess, why would I want to watch you?

Disconnect and self destruct
one bullet at a time

What's your rush now?
Everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen
Picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic drama queen
Craving fame and all its decadence

Disconnect and self destruct
one bullet at a time

What's your rush now
Everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you...

3 months later

Ellie cried. She cried every single night 4 times a night, and you were beginning to think that sleep was futile. Tonight Austin rose from a deep sleep and tripped over everything in the room to get to the crib just so you didn't have to get up. You were awake, anyway - but you cherished the love behind it.

"Daddy's here," you heard him whisper. "Daddy's here,"

Only the silhouette of his figure was visible as he cradled her, gently swaying back and forth in the glow cast by the expansive doors of your balcony. You pretended to still be asleep - partly so you could watch him with her, and partly because you were so exhausted you could feel your brain turning to mush.

Austin tenderly opened the balcony doors as she cried, and you heard her gradually quiet down, calming in his embrace as he carried her outside. "My little nature girl," he whispered. "You love being outside, don't you?" He placed a gentle kiss on her tiny head, his hair ruffling in the breeze as he gazed out into the morning air.

"I don't wanna come back down from this cloud," he hummed "It's taken me all this time to find out what I need again,"

Bush. Of course.

You untangled yourself from the bed sheets and slid on your robe, making your way towards your husband who stood on the balcony. As you approached, he raised a finger to his lips, gently rocking with your daughter in his arms. "Hello, my other sweet girl," he warmly greeted. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you kissed it. "Hello, my handsome,"

He always looked so good in nothing but his casual black track pants. You noticed Ellie holding onto one of his silver tags as she gazed up at him, her eyes slowly shutting.

"We'll have to start transitioning her to her own room soon. We can't keep getting up every time she cries; and we've read all the books," you whispered against his skin. Austin nestled her in one arm and gently brushed your hair back with his fingers. "I get it, and I agree we should sleep train her, but it breaks my heart to hear her cry," he frowned.

"I know, baby," you tell him. "I know, you're such a sweet man and the perfect father, but tonight we have to start sleep training her,"

Having this conversation with Austin was difficult, but with your daughter now three months old, it was the time recommended by the doctor to begin the transition. Your husband, looking down at your daughter, wore a deep grimace, and you could hear a sigh catch in his throat. "Just one more night, in our bed," he pleaded softly.

"She's just a baby, we can't leave her," Austin said as he carried her to your bed, with you following closely behind. You watched as he climbed in, cradling her close to his chest. "I won't leave her," he whispered. "Daddy won't leave you,"

You exhaled softly, joining them and intertwining your fingers with his free hand. "I understand, but we are strong, and so is she - she is a part of us," you reassured him.