Have you ever felt like you're stuck in your head with countless thoughts running around everywhere . The way reality hits you when your brain finally lets you go , those days when you don't want to wake up and lose your days and self to deep sleep.
The feeling of being stuck in your own mind . Composed by it .
Wasting your time day dreaming , hoping in another life ?and not the one that you ended up with ?
Hating yourself for your own personal mistakes , hating your past ? , hating yourself ? .
Using work for distraction.
To get your mind focus on the one thing that matters ?
Which now im currently doing . Work for me is like running away from my thoughts , feelings , anything .
I organised well over 20 events in the past 2 weeks . My mind filled with thoughts on which cake goes with what . Which champagne you serve. Who has RSVP?
After work and the event is done I get into my car and drive to my house to close out the world .
I woke up to completely darkness and my phone ringing . I get out of bed lazy, and snatch my phone of the table . I answer it with a tried
" yes ?"
" bansi ? Were you sleeping ? I hear a feminine delicate voice on the other end.
" yes mother I was like a normal person ." Making her sound dumb .
The other end goes quite for second until I hear a males voice that's familiar.
" Is that bansi ? "
" give me the phone" I hear whispers going back and forth.
" hello father. "
" hello bambina" i hear my father say my nickname he gave me when i was small . He gave it to me because i was the baby of the family .
" we want you to come down here ."
I'm already dreading the fly back there . The people. My family . And most of all , I have to see Nico .
A few seconds has past when I spoke to the phone , feeling worn .
" fine . I'll come tomorrow . " I end the call and climb back to my comfortable , ivory white blanket and drift back to sleep .
I sit cross legged on the raven black couch , watching a movie . I'm still dressed in my running outfit, black Lululemon leggings and a sports bra , with an off the shoulder white t shirt . Today was one the most hottest day in summer as yet. I place a cold water bottle with ice in it on to neck , stopping the hot sweat dripping down my back .
I stay concentrated on the tv bored out if my mind .when I hear the front door open , my fathers voice filled the entrance. A rush of acknowledgement and awareness ran from the nape down to the length of my spine . I realise Nicolas was here even before I heard his voice . Dark and indifferent.
I tried to watch the tv but I was hyper aware of every words behind me . As they both walked to the open living , shoes clicking on every step they take , a phone rang snapped me out of a trance .
" it's fine , take it . I'll be in upstairs. "
Since it was completely silent, I imagine Nico nodding to my father .
My father's footsteps drifting and fading away from the living room .
" yeah, what ?" Nicolas's voice echoes through the chalk white walls.
A couple seconds past with no words .
" Mother Fucker , I knew it " he drawled out
I tense up from his voice , sounding like he's going to kill someone in the spot and his footsteps were coming towards me . In an instant he reaches over my shoulder and stole my remote from my hand .
