The New Freak

II. Home.

"Kanawanai koi ga aru shakai no naka."
("There exist a love that won't come true in society")

Today I was alone. For the first time I felt uncomfortably, weirdly alone. I love and hate that.

I woke up early. The worst thing I feel that exists is a morning on a Saturday. But today was raining, and I love rain.

I was lying in my bed, and I know it's stupid and not very healthy for my age, but I was smoking, so my breakfast was a cigarette, I was already used. Whatever, I looked at the ceiling, overthinking, feeling bad and listening to music... I hummed softly the lyrics anyways, because I love music.

A few hours passed, and I was still laying in my bed. I had already finished my cigarette, so I left it on the floor. I patted my abdomen to the rhythm of the music and continued humming. But then, I just got up from my bed, walking towards the bathroom to take a shower. And of course, I spent about an hour there, I love bathing and feeling clean, but I also love dirt. Whatever.

After an hour ─I knew, I wasn't wrong, it took me an hour─, I got dressed and stood in the living room, staring out the window, watching the rain fall wildly, still overthinking for a moment, still feeling terrible, as always... But God, I love rain... Wait... Why the hell am I inside the house then? GO OUTSIDE, GIRL!

I went outside my house, although I sat around there, I love my house... Well, I love my house and where my house is, I love the forests... But, DAMNIT! The rain stopped just as I stepped outside.

- God... You're serious?! ─I mumbled to myself before huffing heavily and sighing. Anyways, I stayed outside.

Well, obviously, I kept overthinking once again... feeling terrible... again... I just wanted to cut myself or something... And... Without even realizing it, I was crying... But hey, the rain came back! And it came back very wild, just like my tears! Cool coincidence... Anyways I was still feeling bad.

I sat on the ground, crying like a crybaby. I was feeling sad, devasted and angry at the same time. My cuts and scars were itchy and had a slight burning sensation that hurt a little... Maybe it was because of the cold wind and the strong raindrops, but I didn't give it any importance, I was used to that anyways.

I hit the ground, hurting myself with a stone, but once again, I didn't give it any importance. Much less when I heard a familiar voice speak to me, I got startled.... And... He was Danilo!

- Hey, hey! What's happening here, huh? ─He said as he raised an brow and looked at me, coming over and sitting next to me.

I wiped my tears and shook my head, looking away. Damn, I hate it when someone find me or see me crying... It's embarrassing.

- Nothing, nothing important...

- Pfft! Yeah, sure... You're face is red and wet, just like your eyes, it's obvious that you were crying...─He scoffed slightly and then he nudge me. ─ Come on, tell me!

I shook my head and sighed heavily. I looked at him with a somewhat serious look, but I couldn't be serious.

- Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell m... ─He started... Boy, you can't be that annoying.

- Shut up- Just SHUT UP! I won't tell you, okay?

- Uh-huh... Alright, I'll stop... But still, you'll tell me some day, huh! ─He said with a slight playful tone and he pointed at me. I still find his tone and poor pronunciation funny.