Double Take

Chapter 16

Comfortable

I leaned on my car as I lit a cigarette in between my lips.

Pagkatapos ng sayaw namin ni Jen ay nagdesisyon akong lumabas na muna para magpalamig. I just want to breathe some fresh air but after my conversation with her, I don't think I could still go on with the party like nothing happened without having even one stick of cigarette.

She told me to confess my feelings. That was her advice. Proven and tested na nga raw, e. Then I remembered what Rael told me yesterday. That Jennifer confessed to him before. Ito kaya ang tinutukoy ni Jen? So, ibig sabihin pagkatapos niyang umamin nawala na feelings niya para kay Rael?

Seems effective, huh. Knowing that they remained friends up until now.

Pero paano kung sa kanya lang gano'n ang epekto?

Paano kung... ang sa akin hindi mawala?

Ang malas ko naman kung gano'n ang mangyari.

I blew out the smoke as I stared into the darkness of the parking lot. Not content with the cold breeze that the night was giving me, I slowly removed my tie with only one hand. Tinanggal ko rin ang unang dalawang butones ng suot kong polo tutal tapos ko na rin namang isayaw ang debutant. Ayos lang kung magmukha na akong madungis.

Muli akong humithit ng sigarilyo. I was so engrossed with what I was doing when I heard some footsteps coming my way. Kumunot ang noo ko at naibaba ang hawak na sigarilyo. Smokes are still coming out of my mouth when a silhouette of a girl slowly registered to my vision. Napaayos ako ng tayo nang kalaunan ay naging klaro at nakita kong ang kapatid iyon ni Franco.

"Benj? Ikaw ba 'yan?" She asked in a scared yet hopeful voice.

I nodded curtly before I resumed smoking. Plano ko kasing bumalik na rin sa loob pagkaubos ko ng isa. Syempre, wala naman akong planong magpaubos ng dugo sa mga lamok dito, no?

Gabbi chuckled awkwardly. I saw how she slowly calmed down when she realized that it was really me. Hindi ko nga lang siya pinansin at baka kung ano na naman ang makarating sa hudas niyang kapatid. Tama na 'yong isang beses na magasgasan 'yong mukha ko. Kapag umulit pa, hindi ko na yata matatanggap 'yon.

Lumapit siya at tumayo sa harap ko. At dahil nakatalikod ako sa bahay nila Jennifer, kung may lalabas, ako muna ang makikita bago siya.

My brows furrowed at the distance that she made. Masyado kasing malapit. Gusto ko mang umatras pero nakasandal na ako sa kotse at wala nang mas mailalayo pa. And it was also rude and ungentlemanly if I pushed her just because I wasn't comfortable with the distance.

Her eyes dropped on the cigarette on my fingers. Bumuntong-hininga ako at hindi na muna ito dinala sa bibig. I tilted my head a bit waiting for her inquiry but she only nervously played with her fingers.

Takot pala siya sa akin, kaya bakit pa siya lumapit?

I licked my lips, stretching the thin thread of my patience. I was about to inform her that she was invading too much of my personal space when she spoke in a tiny voice, almost whispering.

"I j-just want to say s-sorry sa ginawa ni Kuya sa'yo..." Nahihirapang saad niya, halos hindi na makatingin ng diretso sa akin.

Mas lalo lang kumunot ang noo ko. "Why are you saying sorry? Naupakan ko rin naman ang Kuya mo kaya patas lang kami..."

"A-Ahm, kasi..." She seemed hesitant and shy.

"What is it?" I asked, a bit impatient. Mas lalo siyang kinabahan dahil sa naging tanong ko. Halata iyon sa hitsura niya. I sighed and slowly composed myself, not wanting to scare her more. "Don't be sorry about it anymore. Tapos na 'yon. At normal na sa amin 'yon ng Kuya mo..."