Y/N isn't at her desk when I walk into the office, and I check my pocket watch, my head throbbing. It's nine in the morning, so she's likely in a meeting by now.
I run a hand through my hair, the weekend's events running through my mind. I fucked up. I never should've said any of that shit to her, and I certainly shouldn't have touched her. I'm neither impulsive nor emotional yet seeing her with Joshua pissed me off beyond reason. I wasn't thinking clearly at all. All I could think about was making her mine before he ever even had a chance with her. It was irrational and so unlike me that even I can't figure out why I acted that way.
True remorse fucking guts me when I see the pink sticky note on my desk, two tablets on top of it and a glass of water beside it. For your inevitable hangover, it reads. How did she know? I haven't spoken to her since the wedding, so how did she know that Jihyun, Jonathan, Zane and I were out drinking all weekend? I suppose she knew that's what we would've done, since Jonathan isn't in town often. She knows me better than anyone else, and it fucking kills me.
Eight years, and you still don't know me at all. Those words have haunted me all weekend, interspersed with entirely different thoughts. I've been fucked up over her, my mind replaying the way she looked at me, the way her pussy felt and the way she moaned my name. How the fuck am I ever supposed to forget that? How could I look at her and not want more?
I grab the pills and pop them into my mouth, praying my head stops throbbing soon, so I can find a way to apologize to Y/N. I don't know what possessed me to lash out at her the way I did.
Throughout the years, she and I have never had a true argument - in part because Y/N never let it get that far. I have no idea how to handle this situation. I can't even remember the last time I apologized to anyone at all. How do you even apologize for what I did? Is it at all possible to go back to the way we used to be?
I watch through my glass office wall as she finally walks toward her desk, a stack of documents in her hands. She looks painfully beautiful today, in that cream-colored dress and that red lipstick. I'm fucking done for, because all I can think about is wanting to smear that lipstick of hers. If I hadn't intervened, would she have gone home with Joshua? Would it have been his name on those pretty lips of hers? Violence thrums through my veins at the mere thought of her in his arms.
I lean forward and bury my face in my hands. What the fuck is wrong with me? I've never once intruded in her life. I have no idea if she has a boyfriend, or if there's anyone special in her life, but I know that logically, I haven't left her with enough time for any of that. Why do I suddenly care about things I never even used to wonder about, and how do I stop? My usual list of reasons to despise Choi Y/N rings hollow today, yet I force myself to go through it in a desperate attempt to control the way she's made me feel.
1. I'd be a fool to lose her as my secretary because she's the single best employee I have
2. She's friends with my sister and sister-in-law
3. My grandmother adores her, and she'd be furious if she found out
4. She was forced on me and likely is one of my grandmother's spies
5. I'll be marrying someone else
Yeah, I don't give a fuck about any of that if it means I can get another taste of her. This is exactly why I've stayed away all this time. Deep down, I always knew one touch would be enough to hook me.
My finger hovers over the call button on my desk, but a sudden bout of nerves prevents me from clicking it. What in the fuck? When have I ever been nervous?
I press it, and Y/N looks up, her eyes finding mine through the glass. "Can you come in?" I ask, my tone far harsher than I was going for.
