My dear amor... today is a bad day for me but you already sensed it before I'd tell you, you'd ask me what's going on love but I don't know neither do you I just feel it that emptiness felling even if it's more heavy then most feelings, my amor... I'd wish you were there to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay but your sleeping while I'm sobbing, it hurts to be this alone sometimes. Thinking about my little comfort box but I'd feel too bad for you, I remember that day when you saw them and started to cry while I was speechless I can't do that to you again I can't see you like this again oh my dear love you're so sweet. I want to call you and tell you about how I stopped eating like I did about how I started to look on the ground and think about my life at moments where I would be smiling whit my friends or about how I stopped taking care of myself but still took care of you and tell you how your prince is getting on his knees I front of a life who is absent of remorse and pity, tell you how I'm scared of losing you and sometimes I cry like a baby but.. in the end all I can tell myself is that It's normal im a men after all and we have to appear strong to gain respect by others. Every day I look down a my arms and I still can feel the burning sensation in a shower before school, the hood in the hot weather or the tissues I had to hide from every one including myself. The days I'd pass whit people telling me how rude I look or how I have no emotion in the faces I make but deep down I try to hide them from everyone I tell myself if someone knew it would be a weakness to exploit. Maybe if I called you I'd tell you about the fact that I need drugs and alchol to cope whit things and make my life a bit entertaining it's either that or I play whit my life for adrenaline rush to finally be able to feel alive whit out needing you to feel something. My amor I just want you to have a beautiful life in the end, I guess I'll just cry myself to sleep and tell nobody to not interrupt your sleep.
