WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I saw these initials carved on skin. They slipped away unconsciously. My skin. I yawn in desolation. Calm down. Calm down. I don't have the right to ask any questions. Trapped. Basically. And it's my own prison. Haven't eaten in days¿ This appartement looks terrific. The terrific looks appartement? This just won't work. I yawn. I remember that little poem from when I was a kid. YAWNY PAUL. Redbeard. I stand still. Right. Left. Eggs on table. Stilted, pretended. It's pretty and kind. An armchair and the man within it. Ghost? Ghost? Ghost? It's imaginary, blurry. Wake up, Sherlock. Wake up.Rose, thorns, note. The note on my shelf. John. John? John! John - his note. I smile. Why do I smile? I hate smiling. Smiling hates me. That's how we work. Skull, just above my head. Where was I? Oh yes, note. 324 types of tobacco ash. African blue. Hugging tight someone. Sandy hair - green eyes. Gotta be //him//. Note, note, note. People do that. Leave notes.(?) Don't they? Don't hate me. I don't just fancy people. They don't fancy me. We have a stable relationship on not-fancying each other. What was on that note? Do I even remember? Hell no.Oh but I do.And I do wish I did not.
I just remember it hurt. It hurt looking at him hurt. It hurt me. And nothing hurts me. Physically. High functioning sociopath? God damn that, I could not even hold my feelings. I cannot. Jump. Jump. Jump. Emotions. Hide. Hide. Hide. We are good now. At least that's what he specifies in that note. Where did I put it? This is my heart and I'm losing my brain. You must have known, John. You must have. Break my arms. Rearrange them. I'll put heart in my stone so you would love me more. Sacrifices. We all do sacrifices for those we love, don't we? And when I say all, I refer to myself as a human being. Even if I can't admit it. That's the part that makes me more human than everything. And I love it. I love every piece of it. Because being able to see beauty where everyone sees loss - being able to warm a heart of ice - that is John. John, pure heart, pure soul. Kind. Always taking care, always listening. Wise. John Watson, you keep me right. Always there. Always note. Yes, the note. Note. Note. Note. Bullets. And bullets. White & deep - the water. Brave. Gave up on me. Gave up on. Gave up. Me. God. I'm so so so so so so so so so so sorry. John. Where are you? Grace. Pink. John. Can't find quiet. Rain. Painless¿ Everybody was gone.
