Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Cyian } Twisted Destiny

Client: Coco_da_cat

Reviewer: iburnrice

Thank you for giving me the chance to review your story. I apologize in advance if any of what will be said comes off as rude or hurtful. It was never my intention ❤️

REVIEW

Title and Book Cover - ⁴/⁵

The title "Twisted Destiny" aligns well with the themes and narrative presented in your blurb and story. It suggests a journey filled with unexpected turns and challenges, which is fitting for Lantana's story of fleeing her royal duties, returning to a kingdom in turmoil, and striving to restore peace.

I'm only suggesting that you should consider adding a subtitle to provide more context and specificity. For example, “Twisted Destiny: The Chronicles of Lantana”

I love the book cover! It is very attention grabbing, with its vibrant colors and mystical elements. The central figure, dressed in a striking purple gown, stands out against the lush, ethereal background, suggesting themes of fantasy and romance.

While the script for the title is elegant, ensuring it stands out against the background is essential. Slightly increasing the contrast or adding a subtle shadow could enhance readability.

Blurb - ⁴/⁵

The blurb is intriguing and sets up a rich, mythical world with compelling characters. The contrast between Rhytdros, the powerful elemental god, and Lantana, the reluctant monarch, creates a dynamic tension that promises an engaging narrative. The themes of power, freedom, responsibility, and redemption are well-introduced.

My suggestions;

Expand on Rhytdros:  While Rhytdros is introduced as a powerful figure, elaborating on his influence over the kingdom and his relationship with Lantana could add depth.

Try to shorten the blurb without taking out details: The blurb feels a bit long. I felt like all that could be shortened to two paragraphs without taking out much detail or ruining the picture.

Ensure the language is polished and free of any grammatical errors: For instance, "Never once overcome by power or wealth, she envied her people's simple, free lives" could be rephrased for clarity: "Despite her power and wealth, she envied the simple, free lives of her people."

Revised Blurb;

Rhytdros, the ancient and powerful ruler of the elements, has guided the kingdom to prosperity since time immemorial. As the future queen, Lantana was destined to be the most renowned figure in the land. However, she envied the simple, free lives of her people and fled from the throne in search of freedom.

Years later, Lantana is found and returned to a kingdom in turmoil. Her father's grave mistake has led to disaster, and the once-thriving realm is now on the brink of collapse. Overwhelmed by sorrow and despair, Lantana must embrace her newfound sense of leadership to restore peace and prosperity. With Rhytdros's influence looming large, she faces immense challenges and must make sacrifices that could either save her kingdom or lead to its ultimate catastrophe.

Plot Creativity and Originality - ⁹/¹⁰

Don't judge a book by it's prologue, I've learned. Haha! So the prologue had me wondering how creative the story could even get. The prologue was confusing, especially with the huge time skips. I still have questions (Lantana's mother's death and the relationship strain with her father), but I must say the plot is very original and creative.

It's true that we have stories where a princess runs away and is forcefully dragged back when her country is in crisis. But this one is different - nothing I've read before.

The character of Rhytdros, the ancient and powerful ruler of the elements, and Lantana, the reluctant monarch, are intriguing and add depth to the narrative. Rhytdros's role as a god-like figure who influences the kingdom's prosperity is a fresh take on the deity trope.

Also, characters like Violet, the General, the wizard who's only trying to survive etc, makes the story fun to read. And I like how you're slowly laying out details about the world itself. The knight, the different gods etc Also, Lantana's journey from royalty to a commoner and back to leadership is compelling. Her internal conflict and the emotional depth of her character make her stand out. It's sweet to see a royal who cares so much about her people!

The central conflict of Lantana returning to a kingdom in turmoil due to her father's mistake is also engaging. It sets up a narrative filled with high stakes and emotional tension. The King trying to cheat a god? Interesting.

Overall, your plot is both original and creative, with a strong foundation in character development, thematic depth, and a rich, mythical setting.

Character Development - ⁸/¹⁰

Before I dive into this, I would like to say that the first thing I noticed in this, is that most characters don't have descriptions. Lantana for example, I'm not sure how she looks. The only person you described was The General, and that too not completely but fine enough to create a picture.

Now, as for the character development, I'd say you too your sweet time developing Lantana's character. From the first five chapters, a huge development was her realizing that she's a princess and she has responsibilities to her land. She needed to wield a sword and save her people. Also, I liked the small development of her realizing that friendship shouldn't be thrown away because of jealousy over man (Lantana and Violet)

The chapters mostly focus on Lantana, so I don't exactly have much to say about the other characters. But considering the book itself should be about her, I'm giving you a decent grade for this. You did well!

Grammar and Story Flow - ⁸/¹⁰

I won't say much here. The story has few grammatical errors, but not enough to annoy the reader or take away the enjoyment. You just need to proofread; use correct punctuations and delete repeated words.

Other than that, it's fine!

The story's flow is perfect. Not fast, not slow - just perfect for the readers. Although, in the prologue we were flying. One minute Lantana was on some climbing adventure, and then she falls and we get  glimpse of her mother. Sixteen years later (I gasped) her mother is dead and her thirst for freedom kicks in. Then her crush on the general and we're told about her father's strict ruling. I somehow wanted to know some details about why he wouldn't let her do most things and why their relationship wasn't all sweet, considering she's his only daughter. Then again, I can't say for sure.

But from chapter 1-5, you are carefully unwrapping the plot to us and I appreciate the pace.

Overall Enjoyment and Engagement - ⁸/¹⁰

I enjoyed the story. I mostly struggle with fantasy novels. The characters and their strange abilities, the world etc, especially when writers tend to give scanty descriptions.

Apart from you leaving out an important part of giving us something to imagine for your characters, you're taking your time to show us the world of Virago and it's neighboring. I especially loved the character names. Everything screams fantasy! Your writing style is unique, there's not too much grammar mistakes, no major plot holes and no rush. I still want to know more about Lantana's mother, the Queen. And also insight on the King's character. I feel like there's more to the Chihuahua temper.

I'd gladly recommend it to anyone who's looking for a fantasy themed novel with a strong character who has a knack for running away.

Keep writing!