BLACKHOUSE [H.S.]

Fifty-Three

Chapter song:

Take Me First by Bad Omens

-

I pull my hood a little tighter over my face, blocking out the sunlight streaming through my window as I lay curled up in bed.

My head is still pounding from the withdrawals, though the worst of it is over. I've finally stopped shivering, and I'm no longer nauseous to the point where I have to be within five feet of the bathroom in case I need to make a run for it.

But the fucking headaches.

I pinch my eyes shut against the pain, breathing deeply through my nose in an attempt to ease the throbbing.

I've been like this all day after having called out of work, completely unable to even leave my bed, let alone fucking tattoo. I feel like a piece of shit for bailing on Louis again, and for ultimately making Katie call all of my clients to deal with my mess, but I couldn't do it today. Fuck, even breathing hurts.

A wave of shame washes over me as all of my poor decisions wrack through my brain. I'd say the pounding headaches are a fitting punishment, if not a little too forgiving. I honestly think I deserve much, much worse.

You did this to yourself.

You're just another fucking junkie who needed a fix.

Pathetic.

Every single fucking thing Jay said was true, and I hate him for it. But not more than I hate myself. I mean, how the fuck did I even get here?

Growing up, I was always so happy. I never could have imagined that this is how I would end up. Having a mother that refuses to speak to me. Using drugs to numb my pain, and my grief. Sick, and heartbroken over a woman I was never supposed to fall in love with. Drowning in a dream that I can't escape. I know that no one ever expects to wind up being a fucking loser, but like Jay said, I did this to myself.

And now, I'm going to die in this bed I made.

I feel my phone begin to vibrate under my pillow, and I groan loudly at the incessant noise buzzing below my ear before I reach to pull it out. Louis's name is in bold letters at the top of my screen, and I roll my eyes in annoyance before answering.

"Hello?" I say, my voice little more than a thin rasp.

"Have you heard from Katie?" He asks in greeting.

My heart stops at his question, and I shoot up in bed, wincing from the sudden movement. Why the hell is he asking me about Katie?

"W- What do you mean?"

"She left around twelve-thirty, said she had an emergency, and that she'd be back soon. She hasn't come back yet, and none of us have heard from her since this morning. Not even Cass."