YOUTiFUL

YOUTiFUL Pt 2

Changbin wishes he could just stay in his room all day after his interaction with Felix.

Truth be told, he doesn't know how long he sits there, replaying the conversation in his head.

"You know you can talk to us, right?"

Yes, he knows. He knows that he can talk to any one of them, he knows that he can utilise the therapists the company has on hand, he knows he has resources.

It's selfish of him, but he just...he doesn't want anyone to see past his mask as Changbin, the muscles and aegyo king of Stray Kids, see the fucked up parts of his mind, the parts that scream at him day and night.

He can't take it anymore. He needs to get out, get moving before the cacophony of thoughts in his brain threatens to overwhelm him.

He stands, swaying slightly. Gritting his teeth, Changbin forces the dizziness down, reaching out for every piece of weakness he can find and tamping it into the spot behind his ribs, down into the empty pit of his stomach.

He tries to exit the dorm quietly, shooting off a text to their manager, asking if he can drive him to the studio, but as he passes Chan's room, he pauses. He should talk to the elder, assure him that he is alright (because he is, honestly, why wouldn't he be), and turn the attention off himself.

He knows how late Chan gets home, and it hurts him to see the leader so overworked and exhausted and worrying about the rapper. He doesn't need to. Changbin knows what he is doing.

He is about to enter, when the sound of a raised voice cuts him off.

"You think I don't know that? Fuck, Minho, give me some credit."

Chan is...arguing. With Minho. The two never argue.

Changbin knows he shouldn't, really, he does. But he can't help it. He inches closer to the door, straining his ears to hear.

Chan must be on the phone, because he can't hear Minho's reply. When the leader speaks again, his voice is quiet. Sad. Broken, even.

"I know, Minho. But he's a fucking ghost of himself. We have to do something. I'm not- I can't let it go on like this. He's gonna hurt himself, or worse, if this keeps up."

Oh.

Are they...yes, they are.

Changbin isn't sure how to feel. Why are they so worried? Shouldn't they be glad? He's trying to make himself better for the sake of the group, so why aren't they happy?

He can't stand to hear any more.

He hurries down the hall, checking his phone for a response from the manager, guilt gnawing at his ribs, crawling up his throat, choking him.

He is a horrible hyung and dongsaeng, worrying the others as he is.

He should be helping Minho take care of Chan, not...this. The two eldest members already have so much going on. They all do. He should be strong, a pillar for the younger members. They shouldn't have to babysit him.

He finally makes it out of the dorm, having to sidestep an interrogation from Hyunjin, who was both confused and hurt as to why the rapper didn't want to accompany them to the restaurant.