MY SAVIOUR

2

TRIGGER WARNING!!

i think what hurts the most is going through things in life that you necessarily shouldn't go through right? i can remember from the age of 14 where it all started for me. i would purposely stay late at school just so i didn't have to go home to the wrath of my mother. you never knew what you was going to walk into and that's what scared me the most.  

id open the front door and see my mum sat on her chair with a bottle of vodka in her hand sipping on it and i knew instantly that it wasn't her first drink and she was already drunk. 

"EMILY YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING CHILD" she would shout at me and i would instantly jump because everytime she would shout at me i would get shivers down my whole body. i would try and avoid her every chance i got but sometimes you couldnt you know?

"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DRINK MUM ITS 4PM? YOU KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG COME ON" i would shout as i placed my bag on the bottom of the stairs waiting to go up to my room because i know that it wasnt going to end there.

i knew i fucked up as soon as i said it and she came flying at me with so much rage in her eyes i knew what was coming next and she grabbed me throwing me to the floor which caused me to band my head against the door. she then sat on top of me and began hitting my in the head. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A PROBLEM" she shouted over the top of me. with the amount of times this has happened to me im used to it now but honestly with every blow that hit my head i could feel my self go slowly in and out of consciousness.

i didnt know what to do, so the only thing i could think of was to place my knee into her groin and push her off so i could stand up quickly and grab my bag from the bottom of the stairs and run upstairs and straight into the room. id crawl on to the bed instantly feeling my head throb from the amount of blows that i had just taken and cry and cry until i finally fell asleep waiting to go back to school tomorrow where i would get a few hours of not being around someone i still called mum. 

because how can someone to that to their child? how can someone say such horrible things and not protect them from all the horrible things going on in the world. she was NO mother, she was just someone that gave birth to me. i looked after my self. i got my self dressed in the morning. i made sure i had enough food and water in the house to survive because all she cared about was finding the next bit of money she had for her next drink, and yeah your probably thinking well what made her this way? i mean i could tell you but nothing justifies doing that to your child i dont care what you say. 

and then i wake up throwing my self up of the bed. my whole body is covered in sweat and i can hardly breathe. every night i fall asleep i remember ever single little detail of her abuse. the sad thing is i will never get any answers because three years ago she died. we didnt speak just before she died and i have so many questions that i will never get answers too now so its something i will have to live with for the rest of my life and im pretty good at putting on a brave face and pretending like im fine.

so as i look at the time on my phone it reads 10am and i know i dont have much to do today so after calming my self down for over 20 minutes i finally pull my self out of bed and go straight into my bathroom and starting up the shower. i stand in the shower letting the hot water coat my body with my eyes closed and take in everything that has happened this morning, hoping that one day it will get easier. the pain will finally stop. 

i get my self ready for the day putting on a black dress that flowed perfectly down my body. my hair was in a messy bun and i had decided not to put any make up on till going to the club later. as i just sprayed my favourite perfume that smelled of vanilla my phone pinged and i instantly check it seeing a notification with new follow request. i open instagram and see "harrystyles followed you" shocked is an understatement but never the less i hit follow and then a message pops up on my screen.

"hey lap dance girl nice seeing you last night, not i know your name pleasure to meet you emily x"

i lock my phone back after reading it deciding im not going to give him the satisfaction of replying as i cant get my self mixed up in anything.

id just done my set at the club and im stood near the bar waiting for the drinks to be handed to me, saturday nights are our busiest nights so i know ive got to be on top form tonight. so once the drinks are handed to me i take them around to the different tables. but on my last stop i come to a holt when i clock eyes with his once again. "emily pleausre to meet you again" he says over the music and i freeze.

he's persistent i will give him that. 

"harry you know how to get a girls attention" i say rather frustrated that he is now back here after messaging me on instagram. like cant one person get the hint?

"have a drink with me emily?" he said looking at me and i sigh looking at him and i know he has a smug look on his face but im not giving into him because he would of won and no man is going to have that power over me.

"im working sorry i cant" i say confidently and go to turn around back to the bar and i feel his hand grab my wrist pulling me back to him his cold rings make my body shiver as they touch my bare hot skin. 

"come on just one drink, whats one drink with a guy?" he says looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "fine" i groan taking one of the tequila shots that i had put down on the table infront of me and instantly placing it to my lips i down it in one letting the burn linger at the back of my throat. 

"there you go theirs your drink have a nice night mr styles" i try and say politely and as i move away from his reach i can feel my head go fuzzy. like when your under water. i try and hold my self up with one of the chairs but i start seeing stars and the next thing i know everything goes black.

this is it this where it all ends. im done for.