The Mad Mind of Lana

01

I felt crazy under his intense stare. Not that it was any different from anyone else I spoke to.

Patrick seemed to be analysing me, looking at my tense body with narrow eyes. His eyes first landed upon my legs, my right foot was rocking fast whilst the other was dead. Then his eyes slowly reached my hunched torso, before long he finally rested his unsettling gaze on my stern face. He seemed different from the normal shrinks. He was quite young and handsome, but he wore a cold expression and clenched his jaw as he watched me.

"Do you have somewhere to be?" I asked raising an eyebrow. A cold smile appeared on his face, like he didn't expect me to even try to talk to him.

"If I did you'd know." He uttered with a quick wink before he looked back down at his notes and started writing like he had been for the first half of this session.

A single question had the power to completely derail my masking confidence. A question so simple yet so underutilized that it frazzled me to the core.

"What is depression like?"

The one question I wish I couldn't answer. One I wished he would have left alone. I couldn't exactly explain what it was like, I couldn't muster up the words or courage to express what depression was like for me. I could only feel the effect of it; I could never describe the feeling. All I know is that it hurts. It's like being suffocated and you can't do shit about it.

"It's hard..." I say quickly. This seemed to have made him stop his note taking so he could just stare at me. He was amused with my answer, like he'd never heard an answer like that before.

"Do you have any close friends Lana?" Patrick asked running his hands through his brown wavy hair. I scoffed making a weird unknown sound come out of my mouth.

"Yes, I have one. What does that have to do with anything?"

"I was just curious. What is she like? Does she support you and your dangerous behaviour?"