Aphrodite Rising

Chapter #20 - Sylvia - All These Memories Remain

After I got settled in our new house, life took a dramatic turn. Between wedding plans, my theatre work, and all the help I was lending to Angela and Gerard to ready the nursery, I was feeling stretched thin and stressed out. Adding to that the fact that James was gone a majority of the time working, so I had no one to vent to, except in the event of making an occasional phone call to Aunt Melinda. She'd offered to help, but I declined. I was the woman who couldn't say no.

It was mid-August and we were in the middle of a heat wave. I was cooling myself off in front of a fan in my room, waiting for James to arrive and take me to dinner, when the phone rang. I answered it, half expecting it to be Gerard letting me know that Angela was in the hospital and having her baby, since her due date was drawing close. Instead, it was a voice I had forgotten, yet had longed to hear for so long.

There was a silence for a moment after I said, "Hello?" Enough so that I nearly hung up.

"Is this Sylvia Jameson?" asked a man on the other end. His voice was thin, cracking as though he was in the midst of tears.

"Yes," I answered with suspicion, "Whom am I speaking to?"

"I... I... don't know if you remember me," he stumbled over his words, his obstacle the emotion that wanted to pour out. "My name is Thomas Jameson. I'm your father."

My jaw dropped and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I wanted to believe it was my father, after all these years, I had hoped for a day like this. Deep down in my heart, though, I needed concrete proof. With my mind whirling, I asked, "Why did you leave us?" I tried my damndest to keep my emotions in check, breathing through the impending tears, not wanting him to pick up on any clues that might help him with an answer.

I didn't want to," he answered sadly, "If I hadn't killed Jack, your uncle, my brother, I wouldn't have had to. I've regretted leaving you and your mama every day since then. I'm sorry."

That was the only proof I needed. I knew the story, not only had I lived it, but I had been reminded of it in bits and pieces since. It was with me whenever I glimpsed my mother in Aunt Melinda or Georgie, or even in my own features, for that matter, that pang of loss would always emerge. His emotional statement validated the whole of my childhood. I let go and the tears came streaming, purging everything I felt. "Mama killed herself after you left," I sobbed. "I found her... me! I was only saved from getting sent to an orphanage and an ignominious fate by my aunt Melinda."

The other end of the line remained silent as I sniffled, save the sound of his breath. I don't know if he was trying to wrap his mind around what I'd just said and letting the tragedy of my youth sink in, or if he was contemplating what he could say to me after that. Finally, in his slow drawl, he apologized. "I am so sorry," he said quietly, "I had no idea." I could hear his tears become more pronounced. "I didn't want the two of you living with the consequences of my stupid actions hanging over your heads, too. I never imagined Anna..." his voice broke. "I thought she was stronger than that... I never..." My ear was filled with the sound of heartbreak and I realized that, in all these years, he'd never known what had happened to us.

Once his tears subsided, I took a deep breath and said, "I forgive you."

"You do?" He sounded surprised.

"Yes," I explained, "I understand why you did what you did. Uncle Jack did a horrible thing. Granted, I don't think death was the punishment he deserved, but I understand the blinding rage. As for leaving us, you did what you thought best." I felt like a horrible weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could suddenly breathe more easily than I had since that awful morning. "I would like to meet you," I said, surprising myself.

"I would love to see you," he answered. "I hear you're living in Los Angeles. I'm in San Diego, myself, so, not so far away."

After a bit more conversation and debate, we made arrangements to meet, choosing a neutral place: a coffee shop on Sunset. I had mixed emotions about the reunion. On one hand, I yearned for that connection, someone who was more my own flesh and blood. On the other hand, even though I had forgiven him, I wasn't sure I truly had. My reaction to him could have serious consequences on both of us.