"Duck down, Quick!" He grabbed my shoulder and pushed me down in his passenger's seat, then waved to his friends before pulling me up by the collar of my Shirt again "sorry, I can't have anything happening to you. what if the car crashes and some glass goes into your beautiful eyes?" I looked at him with a questioning look. I know he's lying. He knows that I know. He plays it off. He thinks l'll love him forever. But will I even manage to like him forever?
chapter one
as long as it's secret
Before I can even continue thinking, we're there. Our Spot. a romantic setting with a bench in front of train tracks. Except nothing was romantic about it other than the fact that it was secluded from the rest of town, a hotspot for horny teenagers and drug addicts.
"You alright?" He turned to face me and cupped my cheek with one hand. His touch, like awarm blanket or a ray of sunlight. Now it was just another thing against my skin. He felt different, like cold, wet leather. Is this what happens when you stop feeling butterflies and are just in love with someone? No more electric currents rushing through me at every touch, no more fireworks in my stomach when we kiss, no more blushing when he compliments me.
And then his lips pressed against mine and this feeling of nausea came back. I shouldn't be feeling the way I do. I should be loving him. Making him feel special. Maybe putting my Arms around his neck.
But I don't.
He pulled away and smiled. He smiled that gorgeous smile. The smile I fell in love with. The smile of the old Ezekiel I fell in love with. He didn't change. Yet it feels like so much has happened. All this time dating him has been the same, but looking back, everything is different.
Is something bad going to happen? ls this the calm before the Storm? I shook it off before anything more could happen and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently. He chuckled at that. A small, soft chuckle.
"What's up with you today, ma chérie? You're awfully quiet" he looke down at me with a feigned pout
"It's nothing, I'm just thinking"
"And what are you thinking about?"
"nothing important"
His frown deepened as he led me over to a bench. The bench where we first kissed, confessed, where he asked me to be my boyfriend, where we had our first fight and first made up. A bench full of stains of ungodly fluids and half-full syringes and other trash scattered around it. Sitting down and pulling me on his lap, he really did seem like a good boyfriend. Someone who didn't make me hide in front of his friends and acted like he was ashamed of me. A guy that didn't ignore me when i greeted him in public.
Ezekiel just smiled and nuzzled his face in my neck, as if nothing were wrong in the world. But it was.
"are you sure you're alright? you're so quiet, it's not like you" He frowned and pulled away after less than a few minutes, stroking my cheek. "did I upset you? talk to me, xander." I told him it was nothing, of course he believed me - because he can't afford to listen. Then he kissed me again, nothing soft, straight up shoving his tongue into my mouth and moving it around in an attempt to be erotic.
I wanted to puke.
We continued making out for what felt like hours, with his hands under my shirt and his spit all over my mouth. I've never felt so disgusted before, i wanted to get up and run away and never speak to him again. But that wouldn't be a good thing to do. So i sat there, taking it like a good boyfriend would....not like that.
what am i doign hi ezekiel
