Shadows Of Joy

chapter 18

Holding On by a Thread

The rest of the week felt like a blur to Avery. Between the constant barrage of schoolwork, family pressures, and the unrelenting voice in her head telling her she wasn’t good enough, she felt herself unraveling. No matter how many times Luke, Rhia, or even Anica tried to help, it felt like the walls were closing in on her.

At home, things had reached a boiling point. After another tense dinner filled with comparisons to Jenna, Avery’s mother had pulled her aside.

“Avery, you’re going to need to start focusing more on your future. Your sister already has a plan for her college applications, and you haven’t even started. If you don’t get your act together, you’re going to fall even further behind.”

Her mother’s words played on repeat in Avery’s mind as she sat in her room that night, staring blankly at her laptop screen. The pressure was unbearable. It was as if every decision she made would determine whether she would be a success or a failure in her parents’ eyes.

Jenna, as usual, was praised for everything. Her college prospects were bright, her academic standing was flawless, and her extracurricular activities were the envy of the entire school. Meanwhile, Avery felt like she was barely staying afloat.

Her phone buzzed beside her, breaking her from the spiral of thoughts. It was a message from Luke.

"How are you holding up?"

Avery stared at the message, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. How was she holding up? The truth was, she wasn’t. But she couldn’t bring herself to say that. Not when everyone around her expected her to keep going, to keep being “fine.”

"I’m okay. Just the usual."

Avery hesitated before sending the message, knowing it wasn’t entirely true. But what else could she say?

After a few seconds, Luke replied.

"You don’t have to say you’re okay if you’re not, you know."

Avery’s heart sank. Luke always saw right through her. She didn’t know if that was comforting or terrifying.

"I don’t know how to explain it… It’s like, no matter what I do, it’s never enough."

"Avery, it’s not about being enough for them. It’s about being enough for you."

Avery stared at his message, her eyes filling with tears. She wanted to believe him. She really did. But years of being told otherwise were hard to shake.

"I wish I could believe that."

Luke didn’t respond right away, and Avery figured he was giving her space to process. She put her phone down and leaned back on her bed, staring at the ceiling. The weight of everything pressed down on her chest, making it hard to breathe.

For the rest of the night, Avery lay in bed, feeling more disconnected than ever. Her mind was a storm of doubts and fears, and no matter how hard she tried to quiet the noise, it just wouldn’t stop.

As the hours passed, she wondered how much longer she could hold on like this before everything finally came crashing down.