hemlocks

2

It was morning. The second he opened his eyes, his mother was there running her finger along the edge of his nails, making sure every part of her little boy was okay.

She knew he bit his fingernails out of anxiety, and liked when she saw that they weren't picked at. Madeline looked up, a warm smile on her face. "Hey, Adri.." She held his hand tightly, but with care. Madeline's smile slowly was replaced with a sad frown as she held back tears from her next question.

She laid her head on the boy's lap, softly crying into his blanket as she spoke, "Why? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Don't you know how much I love you..? How do I prove it?? Tell me-" Aiden cut her off. "Enough, Ma." He said. "I know how much you love me." He added, looking down at her.

"Then why?!" She exploded, standing abruptly with balled fists and red eyes from crying so much.

"It's got nothing to do with you... I'm just.." Aiden looked for the right words, pausing. "I'm just fighting my own demons right now.. okay?" He said, too ashamed of his true reasoning to admit it.

"Let me fight with you.. please. I'm right here, sweetheart...!" Madeline urged, only getting a look that meant he wouldn't be keen on dragging her into his problems.

Things only started going downhill after his family began falling apart. He'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the past three years, and his life was spiraling. He was kicked out of college, his previous partner was abusive, his father passed away a year ago, and everything seemed like the pieces were just being scattered.

In Aiden's mind his mother was the perfect being, an angel sent from heaven. And he was the corrupted entity that tainted her life with negativity. He figured that if he was no longer there she wouldn't have to worry about him anymore.

He wanted to stop being a burden.

It was as if his presence alone was suffocating for her, and he hated knowing he was part of the reason she's been so stressed.

A nurse peered into the room, "I'm sorry ma'am, your visiting time is over... you'll have to leave now." The woman bowed, a sorry expression on her face as she came in.

Madeline grabbed her purse and other belongings, "Please get better for me..." she said, kissing Aiden's forehead before turning to leave.

The door closed behind her, a moment of silence falling between the nurse and Aiden.

"How long are they having me for?" The ravenette questioned, knowing that was what she also came in there for.

"Seven months..." She answered.

Damn.

He really messed up this time, didn't he?

He sighed, placing his face in his hands with a groan. "Fuck..."

He felt like there were no more emotions left to feel. He'd screamed out all his rage, cried out all his sadness.. Now what? Everything seemed dull. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to be mad about, nothing to cry about.

Just nothing.

Aiden relaxed, taking a deep breath as the woman spoke again. "I'll be back with your lunch.. you're permitted to eat solids now since you're awake and no longer need IV fluids." She bowed, turning to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Seven months?

How could he go that long being confined in those tiny white rooms with human-impact resistant windows and rounded corners of everything? He'd really be going insane if he stayed there for an entire seven months.

First it was a week.

Then two months.

Now seven months.

He groaned and ran his fingers through his hair, "I hate this..." he muttered. "Why cant i just finish the fucking job? Why's it so hard?" He mumbled, feeling hopeless of finally putting his soul to rest in peace.

Aiden tried to just keep his mind off of any and everything, letting his racing thoughts slow down and stop.

He really needed some lines right now.

He wanted to get high and forget about everything.

He would never do fent or heroin since it was too risky to enjoy, but he wished he could get laced instead and take the easy way out.

Aiden thought about how devastated his mom would be once she knew how long he'd be gone. She loved taking care of her perfect baby boy, always giving him anything he asked for.

She enjoyed making him hot cocoa while he was sick in the winter times, and comforting him when he had a breakdown. Aiden was a momma's boy, incredibly protective of his mother and doing anything it took to keep her from getting hurt.

Hearing the sound of the hospital room door open had him look at who'd entered. It was the same nurse as before, holding a tray of food. The tray consisted of seaweed, miso soup, rice, and a small salad. It actually looked pretty appetizing.

Aiden was given a spoon and fork, making him scoff a little.

Yeah, give the suicidal maniac a metal fork and expect something to not happen.

He ate nonetheless, chewing slowly as he let things process in his mind.

The woman had already left, and it was just him as he ate alone in silence.