Win-win

5

"And...we're...here, princesa." Nicholas sing-songs, flashing me a small smile that I only see from my peripheral vision because I can't face him. Not after tonight. Not after he found me crying.

As expected, I never found Grenada. She was either lost in the party or too drunk to pick my calls. I also wasn't going to go with Matthias, I told him to find his girlfriend and stick to her.

The final decision was to walk home, but then Nicholas showed up and saved the day. Or the night.

"Thanks," I murmur, my eyes going over to my house, checking if the lights are on. They're not, but I'm sure my mom's still up and waiting for me to get back at eleven thirty. Her luck 'cause it's just minutes to eleven.

"You know you don't gotta be shy now."

"I'm not shy." I deadpan, glancing at him once before frowning and quickly looking away. Every time I look at him now, I subconsciously remember he's seen me cry. Fuck it.

"Sure."

"Nicholas, there's no reason to make things weird."

He laughs, "I'm making things weird?"

"Yes, you." I re-affirm. "For one, stop looking at me."

"It's sort of the right thing to do when talking to someone, but your way, baby."

"You're a pain." I state, still keeping my eyes straight out through the windscreen. As well as my frown. "Anyways... I should go."

"Sigh. I'll miss your awful company."

I don't even have the time to counter that, I just push open the door and get down his truck. Then I don't know, probably for courtesy sake, I thank him for the ride. Yet even when he replies with a you don't have to, I'm still feeling awkward and hanging around. I thought I didn't have time!

"Goodnight." I say, finally deciding to look him in the eye, only to find he'd already been staring, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Goodnight, Lee."

Inside the house, my mom's wide awake, sipping something hot from a mug in front of the t.v.

"Sweetheart!" She exclaims,  jumping off the love-seat sofa like I've just returned from battle.

In a way though... "Hi, mom."

"What's the matter?" Her soft features fall as she examines my tone, and when the lights get turned on by her, she examines my face as well. "Don't tell me the party didn't turn out alright."

"I won't say it then." I shrug, before starting my way up the stairs. My mom was so excited about my first ever party, as she put it, that I feel somewhat disappointed that tonight turned out the way it did. I'd told her to chill at around six pm when Grenada hadn't arrived but mom disregarded me and kept talking on of parties she used to attend in high school. I'd laughed it off that she didn't, but now I really did wish she'd chilled. 'Cause tonight was horrible and nothing close to the stories she'd told.

"I want to update my essay, I'm putting in for NYU." The words leave my lips when I see she's still following me to my room and will probably see what I'm headed for.

However, like always when I talk about leaving, my mom doesn't say anything.

I don't even bother to turn on the lights in my room when we get in, I just plop on the chair in front of my computer and allow the light from the screen be the only thing illuminating the room. My essay's the first thing to stare at me and I should be editing it already, how I've done countless times going back and forth with putting NYU then removing it, but I don't. I just sit there.

With my heart squeezing.

"Why do you want to leave, Melanie?"

"I don't know." Except I do know. There are many reasons, though mostly just two. One is Matthias. Second is someone else. Looking down at my hands in my lap, I hesitate.

Then go for it. "Will dad ever come back?"

Mom purses her lips before replying, "I don't think so."

I nod with my lips pursed. Of course. I've never asked, but I've sure always known the answer. Regardless it's been six years. If he wanted to come back he'd have done so by now. "You don't know why he left either."

"Melanie," I hear my mom get off my bed before later feeling her presence beside me on the next chair. "It might break my heart to see you go across the country, but I'd never stop you. If you want to school in NYU, if you feel that's what's best for you, then I hope you get it. As for your dad, there are things. Things we'll never understand."

"I know." I sigh, staring once again at the page on my computer. "But I wish I understood, wish we knew why he left. 'Cause sometimes I don't know what to do with myself."