One Helluva Swap

C.H.E.R.U.B

At Heaven

In a commercial, the golden gates of Heaven swung open, revealing a vibrant location known as "Cherub Town." The camera panned over the idyllic scenery before focusing on a cheerful cherub resembling a cute bee who flitted onto the screen.

"Hello there! I'm Bea, and welcome to Heaven!" Bea the cherub greeted warmly. "Looks like you did somethin' good to get here! And good folks like you deserve to send their loved ones some special blessin's!"

After the introduction, the scene transitioned into the jingle.

"Does it make you want to cry?" A cherub sang, as the screen showed a man splatting against a rock after his parachute failed—his gruesome end conveniently censored.

"When your loved one has to die?" Another cherub chimed in, showing a figure getting run over by a train, the impact tastefully blurred out.

"Does it hurt you through and through?" Bea joined in, as the commercial depicted a man with a shotgun, the moment of tragedy hidden behind pixelation.

"When their face is turnin' bluuuuuue?" All the cherubs harmonized, the screen now showing a mustached man hanging, his face visibly turning blue.

"But luckily for you!" A cheerful pink lamb cherub appeared.

"There's somethin' we can do!" A taller deer cherub followed.

"We can help keep them alive!" Bea returned, and the three cherubs struck a gleeful pose together.

"So you can watch them thrive!"

After they posed, the jingle continues as their logo shows up.

"'Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.!"

"We'll save your honeybun from dying violently."

"'Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B!"

"No, we never even ask a feee."

"Because good people spread the love."

"And we're here for all above."

"We do the paperwork for you."

"And the heavy lifting, too."

"So sit right back and let us bless a soul for you."

"Oh, we are the C.H.E.R.U.B!"

_____

Back at Hell, a TV that was playing the Cherub commercial was destroyed by Loona with a SPAS-12 shotgun. She had a scowl in her face after seeing the lousy commercial coming from Heaven. How did they even acquire a channel in hell?

Nonetheless, Moxxie, who was sitting beside her, complimented of her shot, "Nice one, Loon!"

"Gimme another, Mills." Loona said while pumping the shotgun.

Millie approached the destroyed TV with another one in her hands. She nervously swiped the destroyed one off the table, whilst wondering why they're wasting TVs as target practice. After putting the new TV on the table, she turns it on with the channel showing news 666.

"Eh, nah. Not feelin' it. Next!"

Millie then switches to another channel, which featured an old cartoon-styled female character holding a pitchfork that was shown swinging her...huge melons towards the camera. She blushed a bit before turning to the hellhound with a scared expression, but she and Moxxie were uninterested.

"Uh huh...Keep going, keep going."

Millie nervously kept switching channels, Loona casually commanding her until the screen settled on a scrawny female imp sporting a top hat and cane.