𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓵𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 2

"The shatter of a heart when being broken is loudest silence."

-Carrol Bryant

332 days.

332 days since Lily died. 332 days since he lost the love of his life. 332 days since his world shattered. No longer was he the sweet Arthur everyone in their little town grew to love. He was now shattered. Broken into a million pieces and put together with tape.

Lily was the glue he needed. But all this world could offer was tape.

And here he was on his way to another woman. Running more like.

He paused halfway there to catch his breath, briefly closing his eyes to recollect his thoughts. What had his life come to. Was Autumn the answer?

It wasn't too late to turn back and go to the cemetery, even if he was empty-handed. He looked at the sky and saw the sun setting and the moon rising. The flower shop was in sight. He was nearly there. She was there. Maybe she could fix him. He kept going, wondering what this wondrous brunette could offer him.

When he got there, however, he was greeted with a big 'CLOSED' sign. He turned his head to see a red car pulling out of the flower shop's parking lot. He just missed her. Just his luck. Maybe he could come tomorrow to find her?

What was the point? He couldn't do this to Lily. He was already a bad enough husband to let her do what she did not even realizing what she was about to do. He could've talked her out of it. Got her help. The guilt was overriding him.

He started his journey home. Originally, Arthur was meant to visit the cemetery, go and pick up his check from the café he worked at, and get some homework done-which was likely none. However, he didn't think he could focus on anything as "unromantic" as homework. As Autumn would say. Autumn. What's she thinking about right now?

'Am I on her mind as she is on mine?' He pondered.

Of course not. He was never going to someone's first choice again. Not like he was with Lily.

Lily. He hated himself for thinking about Autumn when the bearer to his heart would always remain to be Lily.

Finally, he got to their house.

He dug in his pocket for his keys and unlocked his door. The house he and Lily used to live in together. Their little "house of dreams". The house they were going to raise their future children in together. Who knew all of that would change? She took her life and his with it. She was his entire life. He had nothing left in this world.

He felt something in the static.

Not again.

He wiped his tears again quickly and hid his emotions even though he no longer had anyone to hide from.  There was nobody left.

'Sad, pathetic Arthur must come home to an empty house yet again.'

He flung his coat to the ground, ignoring the hook his and Lily's jackets used to hang upon, and walked over to his desk, looking at the stacks on stacks of unfinished assignments. Among all the papers was a picture frame of him and Lily in the corner of his desk. He quickly pushed the frame downward. He couldn't bear it.

He wasn't in the mood for homework. He hasn't been in the mood for homework for months. He was nearly failing every class. Heaven knew he was miserable.

It had always been his dream to be a doctor. Lily encouraged him to do so. However, what good of a doctor could he be if he couldn't even save her? How can he be a doctor and live with the knowledge that he couldn't even stop her from doing what she did? The one thing he cared about was gone. Was he selfish to believe everything proceeded the way it did because the universe sought to punish him in some way?

He walked over to their bed which was now only occupied by one.

He then looked up at their window shield. Where he found her exactly 332 days ago. Hanged. With no note. She hung herself and he didn't think he could ever forgive her. He remembers that night perfectly.

He had just gotten home from his shift at the café.

"Lily, darling I'm home." No answer.

"Lily?" He called yet again.

"Elizabeth?"

He wandered around the house looking for her. Suspecting her to be asleep. She'd been sleeping a lot lately. He suspected she had allergies. He tiptoed into their room ready to scare her, being as quiet as possible.

The first thing he saw was her legs. Dangling, lifeless. He walked into their room and looked and saw her dull face being choked by a rope. Her face had gone white as if all the life had been sucked out of her. He screamed for help. Although now, he was the only one in the house. He and her corpse.

He ran to the kitchen for a knife to cut the rope off her neck and sprinted back. He held her dead body and cut off the rope choking her and bringing her close to his body as he lay them on the bed, performing CPR. It was too late. She was gone and wasn't coming back. What would have happened if he had come home earlier?

If he had known.

If he had only known.

Things would have been different.

He sat down on the ground and screamed. Screamed like no man should. Tears running down his face he dialed 911.

He sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. What would it take to forget her? 'Greif is the price we pay for love' his mother had once told him. Maybe she was right. He just wished he could say 'I love you' again to Lily. Not to hear it back, but so she'd know. Maybe she would've hesitated. Maybe she would have realized how selfish she was to take her life.

He wouldn't go back to Autumn. It hurt too much. Even if he knew she would make things better. 

Sometimes being offered tenderness proves you are ruined.

He would ruin her. And himself with it. Ruin himself even more.

His mother would be getting a visit the next day.