How it feels behind the mask

Prolugue/bakgrund

I want to and feel the need to put in a trigger warning for this book. The trigger warning is for the whole book so if you are easily triggered i would recommend you to not read it. Before the parts that can be found extra triggering I will add a trigger warning before and how much to skip if you don't want to read the extra triggering parts. It's important to remember you are beautiful, you are loved and you matter. If you have family issues, self harm, an eating disoder, is transgender, fell depressed or have suicidal thoughts, you need to talk to someone. It can be a teacher, parent, friend's parent or someone else you trust. The important thing is to remember help exists, you can get help, good help. If you are about to commit suicide call 911. Also i hope this book can help, maybe so you won't feel so alone?

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU MATER!

Leo is a normal teen, or maybe not that normal. He's transgender. Or at least he thinks so, he's not completely sure. His friends knows about it but he has just told them that he is transgender. Not that he's not sure and still questions his identity, but he has told them and asked them to use his preferred name, Leo. He hasn't told his parents, he's too scared and knows they won't accept it. He can't tell them, even if he wants to. He would love to be seen as a guy. 

In Leo's family he has a brother who's 2 years older named Benjamin and a sister named Emma who's 1 year older. Benjamin, Emma and Leo have a very good relationship with each other and help each other, since they have the same parents they know how their parents are and can help each other when their parents are being bad. His parents are very controlling on a level where it's bad, not just strict because they need to be. They also have problems with talking about feelings, alcohol and screams at Leo and his siblings.

Leo has friends but not many, not because he doesn't want friends, but because he's having a hard time trying to make friends. But he has a little friend group Isabelle, Jake and Lo. Jake is also Leo's boyfriend. He found his friends the first week in grade 7, he started a new school where everyone was new. So he didn't have to try getting into a friend group that already exists. He found his friends by looking around in his classes searching after those who sit alone and look sad and he found Isabell, Jake and Lo. They also knows about his problems at home, with food, with self harm and his suicidal thoughts.

Leo goes in 10th grade in the same school as his friends. Even though he thinks it's very hard and gets stressed in school, he is there everyday to meet his friends. In school he has a student resource who helps him with school work but also goes with him to every class. Her name is Jessie. Jessie can tell when Leo is about to have a panic attack or get very angry, then she can take him away from the situation before anything happens. Leo likes Jessie a lot, he trusts her and tells her everything she is the only one except Isabell, Jake and Lo who knows he is transgender. She also knows about his problems at home, with food, with self harm and his suicidal thoughts.

Leo had problems with self harm, he has had it for a long time, back in 3th grade he started and then he continued. He also had problems with food, he counts calories and is exercising a lot to lose as much weight as possible. Also he's having struggles with his diagnoses ADHD and Autism, something that gets him in a lot of trouble. And if that wasen't enough he also has suicidal thoughts, even plans. 

Leo has many dreams and enjoys a lot of things. Being a singer, a police, a doctor, an architect or a nurse are only some of the works he is interested in. He enjoys playing and writing music, writing stories, meeting friends and creative things. His biggest dreams are to transition to a boy and live a happy life with a partner and children, but also to help others, especially teens.