Catching Her Heart

Ridhi's POV

The alarm jolted me from a deep sleep. Sun rays peeked through the small gap between the curtains, and I heard birds chirping, signaling it was already morning. I unlocked my phone to dismiss the alarm and lay in bed for a few minutes before getting up. I headed to the washroom to freshen up.

As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, an exhausted, tired face stared back at me. Everything has been weighing me down lately. I wonder if acting in a K-drama while working at a corporate job was the right choice—it’s taking up all of my time.

They say the choices we make define everything. Even with my overthinking, I always seem to make the wrong decisions—like skipping dinner yesterday. I can’t believe I slept for ten hours straight. I was never the type to skip meals because I love food, but that was back when things weren’t perfect but weren’t terrible either. Now? I can't say the same. Life is emotionally cruel like that.

My stomach growled, demanding food to fuel me through the day.

I went to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Hmm... cereal and milk sounded perfect for someone who wants to eat but doesn’t really feel like it. As I poured milk over the cereal, I heard Swathi’s door open and close, signaling that she was awake.

"Hey," she greeted, yawning.

"Hey," I replied, not bothering to look at her, still bitter about yesterday’s conversation.

"I’m sorry about yesterday, Ridhi... I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but I was feeling homesick or something, so it hit me hard when I saw you ignoring her..." she apologized, hugging me from behind. "I felt so bad when I realized you skipped dinner too. I know I spoiled your mood..."

I understood why she said that. Some of us get endless calls from our families asking about our day, while others barely get one. Swathi’s parents belong to the latter group. They own a business and are usually too busy to call her unless they have a spare moment.

"I understand where you’re coming from. Let’s just forget about it, okay?" I said, hugging her back.

"So... any texts or calls from a certain somebody?" she teased while making her morning coffee.

I smiled. "No... I told you, it's nothing. We're the ones making it a big deal," I said, disappointed in myself for expecting more.

"Oh, it’s okay. Idols don’t date, and even if they do, it never lasts anyway," she said, trying to cheer me up. "But, Ridhi, what if? What if he had texted? What if he was even slightly interested? Would you have given yourself the chance to be in a relationship?" she asked, looking at me curiously.

That was something I had thought about yesterday. Call me delusional or overconfident, but if a guy asks for your number, wouldn’t you wonder if he’s interested in you or what his intentions are? It’s only natural to think like that. But since it’s a K-pop idol, should the questioning be any different?

"My stance on relationships remains the same, even if it’s Jungkook from BTS," I said firmly. I don’t do relationships, nor do I want to form any bonds.

"Seriously? How long are you going to keep this up, Ridhi? At some point, you’ll need someone," she said, staring at me in disbelief.

"It’s all an illusion. You can live alone for the rest of your life. I don’t need anyone," I stated matter-of-factly, taking a spoonful of cereal. How many more times do I have to explain that love and marriage aren’t the end goal, or even necessary? Only fools believe in love, I thought to myself.

"Just because one person wasn’t right doesn’t mean everyone else will be wrong," she said, taking a spoonful of my cereal. "Give yourself the chance to feel loved, Ridhi. Every time you mention rejecting someone from work, saying you’re not interested in relationships, I think, maybe you just weren’t into them. But someday, you might meet someone you like. But for that to happen, you have to change your mindset," she scolded, frustrated by my negativity.

"If you’d told me this 7-8 years ago, I would’ve believed you. Not everyone will be like my father, and I won’t end up like my mother... but not now," I said, swallowing the last spoonful of cereal with bitterness.

"Not everyone will have the same outcome, Ridhi. There are good people in this world, and you’ll find one too," she said, but I knew convincing me was a losing battle.

"That’s exactly what Reshu believed. Now she’s shining bright in the night sky," I said softly, remembering our daydreams about love, prince charming, and everything else. I smiled at the bittersweet memories.

"Ridhi... it won’t be the same... it was just the wrong—"

"Person, right? I know. It's always the wrong person, and with the right person, everything will fall into place," I cut her off. I had heard it countless times from others, including my friend Vibha back home.

Swathi shook her head, disappointed. "Okay, but what if Jungkook had texted you? Would you have gone?" she asked, still not letting it go.

"I would’ve gone as friends and made it clear that it’s just a friendship," I said casually, looking at her, now fully awake.

"What if he genuinely likes you? He’s a nice guy," she whispered, already knowing my answer but still hoping for a different response.

"Then he’ll genuinely get hurt," I replied with a blank face, devoid of emotion. Swathi could feel the coldness in my words.

"You’re so cold... I fear any heart that touches yours will end up freezing," she said sadly, looking out the kitchen window at the birds flying in the sky.

"A cold heart is better than a broken one," I said, placing my bowl in the sink and washing it.

“To love and lose is better than never loving at all.” Wrong. Never loving at all is better than to love and be lost.