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15

Megan sat quietly on the couch. Her headache was getting better and her body wasn't as weak as before. The clouds in her brain slowly faded away. She could think much clearer. She turned the TV on with low voice. The night was still young but Rory was nowhere near sight. She might be at her room or somewhere. Megan felt relieved somehow. She wasn't confident to face her for the first time since she was fully sober.

"Hey, you're awake?" The sudden greet startled Rory. "I'm sorry! Was I too loud?"

"No, no. It's fine, you're fine." She said, "I'm good now." Megan stuttered.

"Okay," Rory stood there - no less awkward from Megan. "Do you want something to eat?" she offered.

"No, I'm good," she nodded. "Thanks."

"Can I sit here?"

"Suit yourself," Megan replied without looking at her.

"Megan, can we talk?" Rory asked cautiously.

"About?"

"You."

"What about me?" She switched one channel to another. Internally fret about whatever Rory wanted to talk about.

"Where were you?" She started with gentle tone.

Megan exhaled her breath slowly. "I was at the bar," she said. Every cell in her body commanded her to stop, to walk away from Rory right that second because it won't do her any good if she speaks further.

"Is everything okay?"

Megan remained silent.

"You said you try to do happy things, you keep on saying sorry. I don't - I don't understand."

Megan tilted her head at the latter for a moment.

"What else did I say?"

"Incoherent words. You're having a bad dream."

Megan was beyond mentally exhausted. She didn't really remember much what happened, though she was kind of glad because of it. She wanted Rory to stay, she wanted Rory to understand without telling the entire horrible story about her. But she can't.

Megan sighed.

"You're right, Ro. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you." Megan stated wearily. "I'll tell mom and dad and your parents, you don't have to put up with me any longer."

"What do you mean?" Rory disliked the sound of it.

"I'm not good for you, Ro" Megan sighed heavily. "Just forget it okay? Well remain friends if you want."

"I can decide for myself what's good and what's not for me." Her tone increased by words.

"I'm a mess, Rory! Don't you see it?!" Megan provoked. "My life is a mess, I screw everything up! Why are you putting so much effort for this to work? I'm not the person you'd want to spend your life with!" She shouted.

Rory winced watching the frustrated Megan she never saw before.

"I was diagnosed with PTSD way back then. You practically sit with a crazy person right now! Why don't you just go!?"

Seeing Rory's reaction, Megan held herself back. She tamed away and blew out some air to calm down. Her breath was raging and her head was about to explode. Her chest constricted so tight and it was painful. Nevertheless, she didn't want to scare Rory. If they were going to end it up right now, at least she did in the right way.

"There's a thousand people out there who want to be with you, who can treat you better than I do. So go, go get that great life, I can't take that away from you - just..." she gulped. "Don't let me take that away from you," Megan faced Rory, her tone softened. "You're all that I can't have, Ro." She spoke broken-heartedly.