Captured by Desire

𝕺𝖓𝖊

Could've Been by H.E.R.

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I never imagined myself as a professional photographer. I once pictured a career as an elementary school teacher or perhaps a zookeeper. I've always enjoyed helping others, finding fulfillment in making a positive impact, no matter how small.

But everything changed when I joined the yearbook club in high school.

I discovered a passion for capturing moments that mattered to people: the football team scoring a touchdown, a group of friends laughing together at the lunch table, or a student absorbed in their studies in the hallway.

Everyone around me praised my photos, though I didn't always see them as extraordinary myself. Their encouragement fueled my determination to pursue my passion further after graduation.

I attended NYU and earned my bachelor's degree in photography, discovering a great deal about myself and my future along the way. In college, I met Julia, a political science major who became everything to me.

We first met when she moved in as my dormmate. I was incredibly shy, but she was effortlessly outgoing. While I was unpacking my bags, the door suddenly swung open, making me jump out of my skin.

"You must be Camilla!" she exclaimed with a bright smile.

I slowly stood up from unpacking, still reeling from the surprise of the moment.

"I am... and you are?" I stammered, still grappling with the shock of this stranger bursting into the dorm room rather than processing that she was my new dormmate.

"Julia, I'm your roommate," she chuckled, her eyes observing my reaction. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

I shook my head, as if I could shake the nerves right off my body.

"No, no, it's fine," I insisted, extending my hand in a gesture of apology. "I knew that I just didn't process it right away."

Julia extended her hand, and as we grasped each other's, our hands moved in sync.

I know it sounds silly, but the moment we shook hands, I fell in love. Her skin was like silk, and I could've sworn there was a spark between our palms.

From that moment on, we grew inseparable. We'd study together, binge-watch cheesy '90s sitcoms, and share conversations about our dreams.

I'd attend every political event she went to, whether it was a debate she was leading or a protest for human rights. During those moments, I'd focus on my studies and capture powerful scenes of her and others immersed in their passion.

With every photo I took of her, I found myself falling deeper in love, more than I ever thought possible.

But I was never honest with her about it. I never told my best friend that I liked girls. In fact, I didn't tell anyone during those four years of school. The thought of it terrified me, especially with my religious family. The idea of coming out to Julia felt even more overwhelming.

Julia had a few boyfriends throughout college, most of whom were superficial frat boys who only admired her for her looks. I can't deny she was stunning, but there was so much more to her than just her appearance.

We graduated together, and she landed an internship at a small media company in New York, where she'd be pursuing her political career in journalism. As for me, I secured an internship as a photojournalist with a small news network in Washington DC. My portfolio was primarily filled with photos of Julia and others in protest, so I was confident it would help me break into political photography.