Ghost Behind You

1.13. Rose

Every time Lunar New Year approached, Lin Xiaoye was overwhelmed by a deep sense of loneliness. She was only seven, old enough to be in school, yet she was still living at the kindergarten where she had stayed for nearly two years. During all that time, she hadn't seen her parents. Xiaoye vividly remembered the last time her mother had dropped her off. Her mother had stood in the shadow of a tree, the leaves casting a veil over her face, making it hard for Xiaoye to read her expression. If Xiaoye had known she would never see her mother again, she wouldn't have run off to play with the other children that day.

Since then, the kindergarten had become her home. The teachers were kind and gave her special attention, but they could never replace her mother.

Why didn't my mom want me anymore? It was the question that haunted her. Xiaoye hadn't misbehaved or caused trouble; she had always been a good student, yet her mother never came back for her.

Her thoughts wandered to the home she had once shared with her mother and her new stepfather. Xiaoye hadn't liked him from the start. Every time she saw him, fear crept up inside her. He was rough, with a scratchy beard and coarse hands. Her mother would always shield her, yelling at the drunken man. While Xiaoye was terrified of her mother's fierce outbursts—especially when her hair flew wild in anger—she feared her stepfather even more. Once, she had told her mother she didn't like him, but all her mother could do was offer a tired, bitter smile.

The kindergarten teachers had tried to help Xiaoye find her mother. They had dressed her up, hoping that a glimpse of her daughter looking so beautiful might soften her mother's heart. But no matter where they searched, they couldn't find her—not even when they went back to her mother's hometown. Everyone told the teachers that her mother had died.

And so Xiaoye remained at the kindergarten, like an abandoned kitten. The teachers continued to care for her, but they all had their own families to return to. When New Year's came, the kindergarten became eerily quiet. Xiaoye was the only child left. She refused to go to any of the teachers' homes for the holidays because she didn't want to trouble them. Instead, she stayed behind, still waiting for her mother. Xiaoye was certain her mom would eventually come back.

That night, the kindergarten was silent. The old man who guarded the gate was preparing dinner in his small room. When the food was ready, he would call her. Xiaoye sat alone in the classroom, drawing her mother's face on a piece of paper.

The quiet was almost oppressive, making Xiaoye's ears ring. She put down her crayon and sighed, propping her chin on her hands as she stared out the window.

The yard outside was now swallowed by darkness. She couldn't see the playground's swings, seesaw, or slide anymore, but she knew they were still there. The younger kids loved playing on them, and Xiaoye always let them take turns first. Whenever she saw one of them fall and cry, their mom or dad would rush over to comfort them. Each time that happened, it felt like a knife twisting in her heart. Where's my mom? Why won't she come for me?

Tears welled up in her eyes, flowing uncontrollably. Xiaoye was usually so composed, so quiet and thoughtful, but at that moment, she couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears streamed down her face.

"Xiaoye, why are you crying?" a voice said from behind her.

"Mom?" Xiaoye froze, her breath catching. She turned around in disbelief. It really was her mother, standing behind her with a loving smile.

"Mom!" Xiaoye cried, running into her mother's arms. "Mom, why did you leave me for so long?" Her sobs mixed with her words, making them hard to understand.

Her mother knelt down and hugged her tightly, gently stroking Xiaoye's face. "My little Xiaoye has grown so tall, so beautiful."

"Why did you take so long, Mom? I've missed you so much!" Xiaoye choked out, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"I've been far away," her mother said softly, "but I came back just to see you."

"Take me home with you, Mom."

Her mother's face darkened with sorrow. "Where I'm going, I can't take you. I can only visit you like this."

Xiaoye's heart sank. She was about to cry again when her mother gently shushed her.

"Don't cry, Xiaoye," her mother whispered. "Soon, an old man will come to take you to a new home. You have to be brave and live well."

"I want to stay with you, Mom!"

Her mother's grip loosened, and she turned her face away as if to hide the tears welling up in her own eyes. A faint, soft light began to glow around her.

Xiaoye stood there, frozen in confusion. Why won't Mom take me with her? Before she could gather her thoughts, her mother's figure slowly faded, vanishing into the darkness.

The classroom door creaked open. Xiaoye's favorite teacher stepped inside. Seeing Xiaoye standing there alone, her face wet with tears, the teacher seemed unsure of what to say. Behind her stood an elderly man with white hair but bright, lively eyes. He approached Xiaoye.

The old man gently patted her head, speaking as if addressing both her and the empty air around them. "From now on, you won't be called Lin Xiaoye anymore. You're wearing red, so from today, you'll be called Rose."

Xiaoye looked up at him and quietly repeated thename. "Rose..."