Silent Cries

Chapter 1

The coffee in front of him had gone cold, untouched. He couldn't remember why he'd even ordered it. The motion of doing something, anything, to feel normal was a habit he hadn't yet broken. Today had passed like all the days... in a fog, with meaningless task blurring together, each one a unhelpful distraction from the weight pressing down on his chest. His phone vibrated its a notification. He glanced at the screen briefly, recognizing the name, but not bothering to read the message.

Friends and family had long since become background noise in his life, their words well meaning but disconnected from the reality of his life. Every offer of help, every concerned expression felt like a reminder that he was slipping further away from. From everything. Finley fidgeted in his seat, staring down at his hands, which rested heavily on the table. He traced the veins running through his pale skin, thinking about how easy it was for a body to keep functioning, even when the soul inside was slowly crumbling. His mind wandered to a question he'd asked himself many times: How much longer can I keep going?

He thought about the version of himself from years ago, the one who had dreams and ambitions, the one who laughed easily and lived like there was no tomorrow. That person felt like a distant memory, as if they had died long ago. Outside, the sky had darkened completely. The cafe lighting seemed all too bright as if it was mocking the darkness that had taken hold in him. He stood up, leaving the untouched coffee behind, and stepped out into the night.

The cool air hit his face, but instead of that cool breeze of refreshment, it only made him feel more cold inside. As he walked through the crowded streets, noticed by everyone. Finley felt the weight of his isolation more than ever. Surrounded by people yet still lonely,  he moved like a ghost through the city, slowly fading and slipping further from the life he once knew. The city lights flickered on, lighting the way as Finley wandered without purpose. He'd always hated the city at night. The neon signs trying to brighten a world that always felt dim. The faces passing by were blurred, each person consumed in their own lives, unaware of the war raging inside of him.

Finley paused on a street corner, watching as a group go friends laughed while crossing the road. Their easy laughter, a echo of a sound he could no longer recognize. He found himself envying them, their connection to the world around them while he felt like a thread barely hanging on. He walked on, turning down an alleyway to avoid the crowd. The cold pierced his jacket, making his skin cold, but Finley welcomed the feeling. At least it was real, something that cut through the numbness he told himself. For as long as Finley could remember, Finley had been good at pretending.

Pretending everything was fine, that he was fine. Smiling when he needed to, keeping conversations, brushing off the concern from others with a few jokes. But lately even the effort of pretending felt like too much. His exhaustion ran deeper than sleep could fix. His mind drifted back to the question that had been haunting him more often these days: When did everything start to feel so... pointless. It wasn't any one moment that had gotten him here, and he knew that. It was the life of disappointments, the missed opportunities, and the moments where it seemed like the world seemed close in around him.

The pressure to be something...someone, to achieve, to matter. What was the point of it all when nothing ever felt like enough? A question Finley didn't have the answer for anymore. He continued down the alley until he found himself at the entrance of a small park. The kind of place that bring joy to others, but Finley felt no joy. He sat down on a worn out bench, the wood cold and hard. He rain his fingers through his hair, pulling slightly as if the pain would distract him. His heart pounded inn his chest, not from fear, but from the overwhelming hopelessness that has become like a best friend to him. The thoughts he'd tried so hard to bury, began to surface again.

What if it never gets better? The question that always seemed to hang in the air around him. He didn't have an answer. He wasn't sure if there even was one. People always talk about things getting better, but what if they were wrong? What if its just a endless cycle of going through the motions, day after day, with no end? His phone buzzed again, this time he didn't even bother to glance at it. The screen probably just as dark now as the rest of his life. Finley's thoughts grew darker, feeling like a dumbbell dragging him down.

He'd thought about it before... the idea of just ending it all, of finally being free of the wieght. It had been a thought that had been creeping in and out his mind for months, maybe even years. A small voice at the back of his mind growing louder each time the thought came to pass. He hadn't told anyone of course. They wouldn't get it he told himself. They'd tell him the usual stuff, to hold on, to be strong, that things would get better. But maybe just maybe he doesn't want to hold on anymore or be strong. He just wants the peace he couldn't seem to find. Finley exhaled slowly, his breath visible in the cold air.

He wondered, what it felt like to just ... let go. To finally give in to the darkness constantly trying to consume him. As always something held him back. Fear? Doubt? He wasn't sure. It didn't matter. The emptiness always grew stronger , pulling him deeper and deeper into nothingness.