*Listen to Cigarettes out the Window by TV GIRL, or Everything works out in the end! for better experience *
SANTIAGO
The room was quiet, save for the gentle hum of the rain outside, a soothing rhythm that echoed the slow, steady rise and fall of my breath. As I lay across Valeria, my person, the only girl I have ever tend on telling about my past, my head resting on her chest, her fingers threading through my hair in soft, repetitive strokes. There was something safe in the way she touched me, as if her hands could smooth away the years of pain that had hardened inside me. For a long time, we had lain in silence, but tonight, something was different. The weight inside me was too heavy to carry alone.
I was always the type to keep everything to myself, talking about my childhood or anything related to my past was always a topic I loathed. But today, it's different.
VALERIA
As he layed on my chest, I felt the weight of something unspoken in the air, the tension in his body pressing into mine. My fingers moved gently through his hair, my heart aching for the man I started to fall for.
"I've never told anyone this" he murmured, his voice barley audible over the rain. His good eye stayed fixed on the darkness outside the window, unwilling to meet mine just yet. "Not even my mother"
My hand stilled for a moment, my fingertips gently brushing against his scalp, "You don't have to say anything if you're not ready," I whispered , my voice balm against the tension rising in his chest.
"I need to" He replied, his throat tightening as the words formed "It's like..if I don't, It'll
tear me apart"
He paused, the silence stretching between us, thick with memories he'd buried for long. His breath hitched as he gathered the courage to speak.
SANTIAGO
"He never wanted me, my father, Diego." The name felt like poison in my tongue, and I could feel the old anger bubbling up inside me, threatening me to choke him. "He wanted my mum to miscarry, told her I'd ruin his life before I was even born. And he was right...at least that's what he said everytime he beat me"
Valeria's hand continued it's slow, gentle path through my hair, but I could feel her body tense beneath me. She didn't speak, but the silence was an invitation, a space for me to pour out everything I had been holding inside.
"After I was born, he never looked at me like a son. I was a burden, a failure. No mattar what I did, it was never enough. If I made the slightest mistake..he'd sl-sh me. Just to remind me how worthless I was"
My voice grew rough, thick with the weight of memories. I could still feel the sting of the blade, the deep ache of the scars that littered my body, each one a reminder of how little I meant to the man who should have protected me, the man who I still called dad and loved.
"One night, he came home angry. He said I was the reason his life was ruined. I was just..standing there. And then.. he walked towards me as he pulled out a knife and slashed my eye. "
VALERIA
His voice cracked, the memories cutting through him as sharply as the knife had all those years ago.
I know he carried pain, but hearing his voice tremble as he began to speak made it all too real. Each word was like a blade cutting through him.. and me .
"I was ten" He said, as my hand tightened in his hair, bringing my other to his back. a small grounding gesture, yet, I still said nothing, I knew, that he needed this space to keep going.
"He used to burn me too. Said it was to teach me what a man should feel. As if pain was the only thing that could make me worthy of his name" his breath trembled as he exhaled, feeling the tension of his body growing with every word. "My mum.. she didn't know .She couldn't see what he really was, not until it was too late. I had to tell her, not the full story as I didn't want her to worry about my wellbeing. But when she tried to stand up for me, he..he beat the both of us."
"Punished me for snitching."
He said, as my heart twisted and felt the pain he was going through all those years ago.
A ten year old, little boy.
SANTIAGO
"Each scar tells a story of pain, of beatings, of rage. My father used to think by using his knife on me, he could crave his disappointment into my flesh"
"I got these tattoos to reclaim my body. I didn't want to be a walking reminder of his abuse. The ink is like armor: it covers the hurt and transforms it into something powerful. The phoenix here." he points at the tattoo on his back, as I lowerd his shirt down to see it carefully. "Represents rebirth, it's a reminder that I can rise from the ashes of my past"
"Every design has a meaning. The serpent represents danger and survival. I want to show I'm not just a victim of my dad's, I'm a survivor. These tattoos are part of my story, and they remind me that I'm stronger than what happened to me"
The last words came out as a whisper, broken and raw. As I felt the weight of the past crashing down on me, pressing me deeper into the comfort of my woman's embrace. For so long, I had been trapped in the silence of my suffering, and now, as the words escaped me, I realized how much of myself had been buried beneath that silence.
Valeria's fingers stroked my hair wity gentle reassurance as she finally spoke. "You didn't deserve any of that, Santiago" She whispered, her voice thick with emotion, I know her too well now. "None of it, baby."
Lord, just her voice bring me peace.
I closed my eyes , pressing myseld into her warmth. "I know" I said softly, though a part of me knew it's a lie as I still doubted it. But here, in this moment with her, I let myself believe it, if only for a little while.
VALERIA
When he told me about his father, about the sl-shes, the burns, the night he almost completely lost his eye. I fought to keep my tears at bay. I wanted to say something, anything to make it better. But what could words dor to heal wounds this deep?
So, I just held him tighter, silently promising he wouldn't be alone anymore.
As long as he have me. I will show him what real love is all about.
YOU ARE READING
