The Interview

Chapter 15: Old secrets

The next few days, I keep having mixed feelings about Scarlett.

I still enjoy texting with her very much and I catch myself quickly grabbing my phone when I see her name on my screen. It doesn't change the slight insecurity inside me though.
The fear of Scarlett suddenly not answering anymore, the fear of her disappearing from my life.

Which, I am aware, she has no reason to. We are getting along and I don't think I'm overstepping in any way.
Our conversations weren't as easy as they are if we didn't get along. All I gotta do now, is get that in my head permanently. It's slightly exhausting worrying about it every day but I can't turn it off.

I'm aware of my issues and I worked on them and through them. I can be a little clingy but nothing one would define as 'too much'.
Nora and I both had therapy around ten, just so we could work through it and not carry it with us through our lives. That definitely helped and I know how to work things out but so far, it only ever applied to people who were actually near me. Like with Rowan.

When we first became friends, I was still a bit more anxious about it all and whenever we didn't see each other for a week, I panicked, feared she will leave. But we talked it through, which, at that age, is kind of a miracle.
We live in the same city now and even though we don't see each other on the daily, or even weekly, I know I can count on her and go to her if needed.
The fear of her leaving hasn't been there for a while and there was no such fear with anyone else, so this is kind of new again.

Especially, since I can't handle it right away as with Rowan. I don't want to talk with Scarlett about something this deep over the phone, so I have to wait. Which only causes me to fear a little more.

At the same time, I'm not sure if I would talk to Scarlett about it if she were around. Not because I don't trust her or don't want to sort this out but because I don't know what we are. It all seems to circle around that.

If we were friends or even girlfriends, I could talk to her about it, tell her I'm not being possessive or anything.
But with our current situation it feels weird. She doesn't owe me anything and I'm not saying this talk means she does, I just know there swings something within.

First of all, the fact she's important to me and that I don't want to lose her.
Which I don't, but as what is she supposed to take that?
As a friendship thing?
A relationship thing?
Without context, it feels possessive, which is why I'd prefer to figure that out before.

Besides, I can't expect her to never travel again, it's part of her job, I have to live with that if we want to be friends or more. But I don't feel like I can expect her to assure me every now and then if we aren't even friends. Maybe this is just her having a nice time in chatting with me.

Okay, I know it's more than that. All of it just feels very complicated right now.

I run a hand through my hair and look out of the car window, watching the office building.
Nora should be off work any minute now and then I'll take her home to dad's because she wants to search for some details about an insurance.

She told me more exactly what it's about but I am really not good at most of this adult stuff, so I only got half of what she was telling me. I think it was about health insurance but I could be wrong.

Since she still lives rather close to Dad, she stores her papers there. He had them anyway and didn't need the space, whereas Nora has space problems in her apartment. She likes it but it's a little small and since her boyfriend moved in, there's even less space.

And I think, both her and Dad like that she has another reason to visit him. We're all very close, knowing we have to stick together after mom left. That might be the only good thing coming out of it. Her abandoning us led to us appreciating each other more and knowing we have to be there for each other. I just hate that I can't do that from LA. Not more than regular phone calls and some visits anyway.