Random thoughts that I want to speak about

About Me

As a starter I suppose it's important to lay down who tells the story. Whose options we hear and what worldview she holds so we could decide whether we are interested in her opinion or not. Now this is what I am doing as a prologue.

I am a heterosexual, christian, white woman from europe. Also I don't like one word descriptions since they lack depth and are prone to bring misunderstandings.

I am interested in men and I am a woman. I think it doesn't need much explanation.

Also I cannot choose my skin tone as I was born with it.

And about my christianity: well that is difficult. You see I believe in God but I haven't been to church for almost a year now and I never was a big church attender like ever. Churches I found to be full of human mistakes and if it isn't cured it can bring shame and scandal. And they brought since I couldn't pinpoint a church without a scandal about phediphilia or dismissing women's independence or r*pe.... and the list could go on and on. But I believe that there is a God above us.

My family is at odds with the church too. My twin sister is a practicing witch. Like she really is in that shit for years now and nowadays she is starting teaching our sister the ways.

My younger sister was always a free spirit in the sense that she didn't really care about spirituality and it never influenced her decisions. Until of course when she saw a cute cat themed tarot pack and now she is fully invested. 🥲

My mother was forced out of the church because she wanted to divorce our father. That is a complicated story that I will write about in detail. The point here is that she was alienated because of her choice to run from an abusive marriage that went against the rules. Until now she couldn't heal her wounds and she decided to embrace her once rockhead/punk/metallica lover teenager vibes. She is a cool mom now. A broken, depression prone but cool mom.

So yes. My life is anything but simple. But it's fine. I find comfort in the depths of my mind via fanfictions about sparkly vampires. 😂
(The fact that the author of Twilight is Mormon was another joke of my life that I realized too late. Never mind. It is a part of my personality now so I wear it proudly.)

What I wanted to say is that this is me. And the thoughts that I am about to write out came from me. If you want to read the future chapters, know that they are heavily influenced by my christian past... I cannot deny them and I don't want that...