"i still love you."

CHAPTER 2 - I'M SORRY

TALIA'S POV

I know this isn't wrong of me. he's been dead for a while now; two years. but it still feels wrong; I'm in bed with another man while thinking of my dead ex. when I look at the photos of my new boyfriend, I see what used to be there. him. they haunt me. His presence haunts me. Wherever I look, I see him. I feel him. Maybe I should just stay heartbroken instead of trying to find another man.

sometimes I lay in bed, wondering if he haunts me too. maybe he's watching me. if so, I'm sorry Mischa. you do still have a special place in my heart. but I can't stay with a dead body any longer, nor can I mourn. my heart cannot stay broken this long. I fear that I may die too, like you if I stay heartbroken any longer. i'm just a broken heart, with a shattered, empty soul. I love you. I really do.

I saved up, I came to your funeral. I saw your dead body in that casket. we brought you back to Ukraine and buried you next to your mother. i got to kiss your face after fantasizing about it for years, yet it was dead. cold.

I'm laying next to my boyfriend, wishing it was him. Mischa. he should still be here; he was only young. it feels like I'm cheating. i could never officially break up with a corpse. he has a special place in my heart. I hope he can move on, as I have.

I like to think that he's sat next to his mother in Heaven. they're hopefully smiling and having fun. sometimes I hope he forgot about me, it helps me feel less guilty. I buried a page from my notebook with him.

'i love you Mischa, I really do. but loving you is causing me harm too. I hope you look down, and see what I have become because of your death. an empty vessel of what I was. but I'm getting better. I'll never forget about you though.'

i still love him.

I love you, my dead love.