Twilight

Unexpected

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling, wondering how my life had gone so off course. In the span of three weeks, I had lost my fiancé, my home and, at some point, my will to live. I felt numb to everything around me so much that spending time outside with others felt like a chore that I didn't want to do. I was lucky in a few ways though because through all of it I was able to keep my job, mostly because I worked from home and I had the friends I had made on the discord server, and they were always able to distract me when I needed it. Probably the most important thing was Sarah, had it not been for her I'm not sure where I would be. She gave me a place to stay and a friend when I really needed one.

My bed is comfortable, but I know that I need to get up and be productive even if it feels like there's no point. I lived with Sarah in her little two-bedroom apartment that happened to be above a bakery which she owns. I had gotten accustomed to waking up to the smell of fresh baked bread and freshly brewed coffee slowly seeping into the apartment. I picked up my phone hit play on my favorite playlist and as Still Here by ATEEZ comes through mt speaker I set to getting ready for the day. I didn't have much in the way of belongings aside from what I had acquired in the last few weeks so clothing choices were limited. I had a black pair of jeans that had slowly become a favorite of mine and a cute new shirt that I had ordered that arrived a few days ago.

Clothes, makeup and cute hairstyles were never really my thing, but I wanted to feel like a person again, so I decided to do something a bit different today. I begin brushing out my hair, which makes me smile since it makes me think of Felix, because it's down to the middle of my back and dyed a very vibrant purple. I had never been good at braiding, but I had learned pretty fast, so I do a quick braid, wrap it into a cute little bun and pin it up. Makeup wise I had always gone very simple mascara, blush, eye shadow and some lip gloss mostly neutral colors except the eye shadow which I usually did a purple or a pink.

Just as I finish up God's Menu starts playing and I think it's appropriate considering it's the song that started me into my K-pop journey. I walk over, grab my black lace up boots that have become the bane of Sarah's existence apparently and slip them on. As I look around my room mentally going through a checklist of what I've done and what still needs to be done I walk over to my desk and grab my laptop bag. I put my laptop, laptop charger, phone charger and notebook in the bag. I pick up my earbuds, connect them to my phone then put the case, my phone and house keys in my pocket. I look around the apartment one last time before heading out locking the door behind me.

I make my way down to the bakery where I'm almost certain Sarah has a muffin and a Frappuccino waiting for me. There's a bell above the door that jingles as I make my way in and since it's still early it's not too crowded yet. I head over to the counter where my breakfast is waiting, say a quick good morning to Sarah and head to the booth in the back that I have claimed as my own. I slowly get my stuff set up because even though I work from home I have been slacking a bit lately. My boss has been very understanding but I need to get back into it. I work in accounting even though I hate math there is something calming about the work I do. I take a sip of coffee and get focused on what I need to get done. Most days I only have about two- or three-hours' worth of work and today is no different but somehow, I breeze right through it in an hour and a half. I take a break knowing I'll go back through the work one last time before I submit it to make sure that nothing is off.

I stretch my aching body and look down to see so many notifications I missed while working. It's Meg's discord of course and I smile knowing it's just the distraction that I need. I had found Meg's TikTok back in October after coming across God's Menu and a deep voiced angel named Felix. There was no going back after that I was led into the greatest rabbit hole and at the end of it was Meg. Her and all her Nutmegs were so warm and welcoming that I wished I had found them sooner. When the discord opened it just felt right and even if I'm not very active in it I know that I will always have a place to be myself. As I open the server, I know most of my catch up is going to be the Stray Kids channel. I open it up and before I can even scroll up, I am attacked by pictures of Bang Chan. I always forget that sometime opening the server in public is not the smartest move but what's life without a little risk.