Secret
He couldn't tell when he had lost consciousness. The faint, distant sound of a machine grated on his nerves, causing Jeong Tae-ui to open his eyes. His vision, which had been doubled, gradually returned to normal after blinking once, then twice.
Even after his vision cleared, he continued to stare blankly at the clock, his head still foggy. The annoying sound was from the alarm clock.
"......."
He hated being woken up by an alarm clock, so he usually didn't use one. He only set it on rare occasions when he absolutely had to wake up at a specific time. Even then, his body seemed to instinctively detest the sound, as he often woke up one or two minutes before the alarm went off.
After turning off the alarm reflexively, he wondered why on earth the clock had gone off. He remembered the reason only after watching the second hand of the clock nearly complete a full circle.
"...Ah."
Jeong Tae-ui muttered briefly. From 4:30 to 4:40 a.m. on the 27th, for exactly ten minutes.
—It has to be at that exact time.
The firm voice that had locked him into this time echoed in his ears. Jeong Tae-ui, still groggy with sleep, checked the clock again, realizing a few minutes had passed. The clock, which he had set for 4:15, was ticking away steadily.
Good thing he had set the alarm, just in case. He had almost slept right through it, oblivious to the world.
Jeong Tae-ui put down the clock and got up. He decided that he needed to wake himself up by washing his face after turning on the computer. His head still felt cloudy.
"...Ugh."
However, the moment Jeong Tae-ui took a step out of bed, he collapsed onto the empty floor. His legs lacked strength, and a sharp pain in his groin caused a groan to escape his lips.
No need to wash up now. That woke him up completely.
Lying on the floor, Jeong Tae-ui clenched his fists and trembled before opening his eyes. He felt like cursing out loud. He glanced at the bed. The empty sheets were smeared with sticky, dried traces. He glared at the traces as if they were Ilay himself.
Damn. It hurts like hell. The only saving grace was that it wasn't as bad as before, since Ilay hadn't forced himself all the way in. It was more bearable than that time when the pain had pierced deep inside like it was tearing him apart. Now, it was just his hole that felt stiff and sore. Jeong Tae-ui let out a long, groaning sigh with his forehead resting on the bed. It wouldn't make sense to blame Ilay now. Although he felt like he had been dragged into it, it wasn't as if he had been tied down, nor had Jeong Tae-ui strongly resisted. In fact, towards the end, he had even tried to cooperate, so it was hard to blame Ilay for forcing himself on him like before.
But with his body in pain, it was hard not to feel resentful.
"Am I really an idiot...?"
He wondered if he lacked the ability to learn. After going through such hardship before, why did he do that again with that guy? Especially in such a barren relationship that only left him with empty regret after the physical connection. Jeong Tae-ui pulled at his hair, sighing deeply.
He felt empty and bitter. Even with someone he met at a bar for a one-night stand, it wouldn't feel as hollow as this. It seemed foolish to convince himself that he didn't hate people in general, even though Ilay lacked the basic humanity to treat others as people. But it was almost a personality trait at this point, something he couldn't easily change even if he recognized it and tried to fix it.
