Crawling Guts (murder drones x male reader)

Pilot

[hello]
[you must be wondering what's happening?]
[allow me to start from the beginning...]

BOOTING UP//
EXPOSITION //

Uzi: We are Worker Drones. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACCCEE!!!! Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex. But it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything, mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves.

(As she speaks, the planet core collapses and blows up a good majority of Copper 9. Afterwords, a Worker Drone touches a frozen human skeleton, which falls over and shatters.)

Uzi: With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future, all to ourselves.

(The Landing Pod crashes to the city.)

Uzi: Unfortunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI...

(The Disassembly Drones begin to emerge from the pod. One of them throws the head of a dead drone, laughs, and destroys the city with other drones.)

•

(During a class presentation...)

Uzi: But what have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of corpses?! Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors?! It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident! Anyway, that's why my project is this sick-as-hell Railgun!

(Her classmates panic.)

Riley: Oh, so not the vibe!

Uzi: Easy, morons. It doesn't work... yet! It doesn't work yet. Who said it doesn't work, maybe it does! (Uzi flicks the switch and laughs evilly.)

Teacher: (Rolls his eyes and sighs in disinterest) Uzi, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons.

Uzi: Oh, and this magnetically amplified photon converger doesn't count?

Teacher: ...No. Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric. And is it supposed to be that color?

(Uzi's railgun turns red and blasts the classroom.)

•

(After that calamitous demonstration, Uzi winds up in the sick bay.)

Lizzy: Ew, it didn't kill her! Oh my god, it's so bad! (She and her friend leave.)

Uzi: Ugh...

Thad: (Walks in) Classic toxic masculinity, Chad! That's never gonna end up problematic... Oh wow, Uzi? I heard you, uh-

Uzi: I'm an angsty teen, Thad. Bite me! Also, how do you know my name? People willingly talk to you.

Thad: (Chuckles) Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but, uh... Then you might blow the other half of your face off.

Uzi: Crippling daddy issues, hilarious... What are you in for? Testosterone too hard?

Thad: That can happen? Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass!

Uzi: Oh... Uh, ew. Gross, I hate that you said that.

Thad: So, what's the, uh...

Uzi: (Points railgun) Sick-as-hell railgun?! Sci-Fi nonsense, that super works! I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff, but mostly the world part.

Thad: Oh, but doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to, uh... Do that scary sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said?

Uzi: (Angrily points railgun into his cheek) NO MORE FEEDBACK ON MY REPRESSION TODAY!!