Bound by the Moon

Chapter 39

The days after their visit to the elders were a blur of confusion, frustration, and uncertainty. Astrid felt as if she were moving through a thick fog, trying to find something she couldn't quite grasp. The elders had confirmed her worst fears—that the mate bond, if it truly existed between her and Lucien, was hidden, buried beneath the scars left by the binding. Worse still, they had no clear answers about the shadow within her. It was a part of her now, they had said, as though that simple statement could make her accept the chaotic force that constantly threatened to overwhelm her.

But acceptance wasn't coming easily. The shadow was like a second heartbeat, pulsing within her, waiting for any moment of weakness to surge forward and take control. There were times when it felt like a living thing, coiled and ready to strike, its dark tendrils winding through her mind. And her wolf—the very essence of her being—felt distant, aloof, like it was watching her from a great height, waiting for her to figure out how to bring the two sides of herself into balance.

It was as if her wolf didn't trust her anymore.

Lucien, for his part, remained steadfast by her side, offering his silent support. He hadn't pushed her to discuss the mate bond again, but she could feel the weight of it in every look he gave her. He believed in it—believed in them—even if she couldn't feel the bond herself. That, more than anything, made her feel like she was failing him. Every time she looked into his golden eyes, she saw the hope he carried for both of them. But the more time passed, the more distant that hope felt for her.

Kael had thrown himself into training her. Every morning, they would meet in the clearing near the pack's compound, where he would push her harder and harder to control the shadow, to use it rather than fear it. But it wasn't working. No matter how much she focused, no matter how determined she was to master it, the shadow remained wild and untamed, like a feral creature snarling just beneath her skin.

The only thing she could do was suppress it, lock it down so it wouldn't consume her. But even that was growing harder with each passing day.

One morning, as the sun was just beginning to rise, Astrid stood in the clearing, panting and drenched in sweat after yet another failed attempt to control the shadow. Kael watched her with his usual cold detachment, his arms crossed over his chest. His face was a mask of impassive calm, but Astrid could sense the frustration rolling off him in waves.

"You're still trying to suppress it," Kael said, his voice sharp as a blade. "That's why you're failing. You can't fight the shadow, Astrid. You have to let it in."

Astrid wiped the sweat from her brow, glaring at him. "Every time I let it in, it tries to take over," she snapped. "If I give it too much control, I'll lose myself. You've seen what happens when I let it go too far."

Kael's expression didn't change, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes—something dark and unreadable. "You're afraid," he said, his voice low. "And that's why you're losing. The shadow feeds on fear. The more you fight it, the stronger it becomes."

"I'm not afraid," Astrid shot back, though the words felt like a lie even as they left her lips. She was afraid. She was terrified. Terrified of the power coursing through her veins, of the darkness that lurked inside her. Terrified that she would never be able to control it, that it would consume her completely, leaving nothing of the person she once was.

Kael took a step closer, his piercing eyes locking onto hers. "Yes, you are. And until you face that fear, you'll never control it."

Astrid clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him he didn't understand, but deep down, she knew he was right. The shadow wasn't just a power she had to control—it was a reflection of everything she was afraid to confront. The chaos, the pain, the fear of losing herself. And as long as she ran from those things, the shadow would always have the upper hand.