Adrenaline and Adamantium

5. Defeat the Evil Exes

"Magneto!" Deadpool exclaims, head cocked curiously, hands on hips. "I thought you were dead!"

"No, dear boy. Not dead, only 95. There are subtle differences between the two conditions," Magneto answers, dryly. Then he shifts slightly on his metal hoverchair and disarms Deadpool with his mind. Katana, guns, daggers, utility belt, even babyknife, get magnetized away by their new master.

"Not babyknife! You monster!" Deadpool is mock outraged to be disarmed, then turns cold, "Bitch, it's fine. I can kill you with my bare hands. Smother your frail ass with my lumpy nutsack. Shit, I don't even have to kill you. You're older than old, flu season is about to take you out for me."

"I don't care how old you are now, Magnetass. Come down here and let me whoop you with this cane. Quit floating away, chickenshit!" Blind Al whips her cane and it cuts through the air with a fwipp!! sounding sharp as hell.

"Ahh, your cane. I let you keep it as a courtesy, but now," Magneto says and raises one arm into the air with a theatrical flourish like a big fuckin' drama queen, and he says, "I'll remove that weapon from you, shall I?"

Magneto is clearly trying to pull the metal cane from Al's grip. It's not obeying. He raises his other arm, because double the drama, double the power, obviously. Visible strain breaks out on his wrinkled face.

"Awwww. Can't get it up anymore, Great Grampy?" Deadpool quips, because he loves an ageist dick joke, despite his desperate desire to ride one over twice as elderly. He's a creature of contradictions.

Small metal items in the library begin to fly towards Magneto. Pens and screws, spent bullet casings. Althea's phone that was hidden in her sock, shoots out across the room. Things begin to ping into Magneto's chair and helmet. The unconscious, metal wrapped Wolverine even slides across the floor a few feet. Magneto strains and strains and then half collapses, exhausted.

"Vibranium doesn't listen to the white man. Wakanda forever, bitch," Blind Al tells him, and then spins and throws her cane like a javelin straight through the security goon that was trying to sneak up behind Deadpool, while DP was paying attention to the nonagenarian drama going on upstage center. Deadpool whirls to look behind him and the guy is already a gurgling corpse on the floor, with Al's cane piercing him dead through the heart.

"It's gonna get expensive to replace all your security boytoys, Magneto," Deadpool turns back to him. Then, he braces his foot on the guy's chest and pulls out the spear, with effort, she really threw it hard. He hands it back to Al, then says to Magneto, "How about you unwrap my sweetheart, let the ladies go nicely, and leave us the fuck alone forever? Sound good, Pop Pop?"

At that, Magneto raises a pinky and picks Dogpool up by her metal harness and collar hardware. Wade can't get to her in time. She barks in protest, rising above Al's head too fast for Al to echolocate her and make a grab, either. Puppins floats above the library floor, ten, then twenty feet up. She growls, as ferociously as one so tiny and cute can manage.

"What the fuck are you doing? 'I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too?' Elphaba, please. Dogpool's immortal," Deadpool crosses his arms and acts bored, but when Magneto drops her from the 25 foot high library ceiling with a disdainful pout, Deadpool does dash under her and catch her before she splats. He's not trying to risk it. Besides, regeneration hurts.

She nuzzles her Dadpool and licks his masked face.

"You okay, Princess?" he asks her. She sneezes in response. He puts her down with a quick pat.

Just then, there's a groan from his pookie. The Wolverine is waking up, struggling against the binding coils of thick cable. Wade and Puppins dash across the polished wood floor and antique Persian carpets to get to him. Dogpool licks Logan's face, the chin area exposed beneath his bloody, ruined cowl. Deadpool would like to do the same, but for now, he just looks down at him and makes a quick heart sign with his fingers.