Overwhelming Quiet

Chapter Two: Eagerness

"Yep, she's pretty beautiful," Kenji told Gunn with as much fake enthusiasm as he could muster. Which was quite little. He didn't think Gunn noticed. He had just finished scrolling through their old classmate, Emmy's TikTok page. Overflowing with pride, Gunn showed him a video of Emmy dancing to a Megan Thee Stallion song, and a couple short videos of her starting off as makeup-less—and therefore ugly?—and then transporting into a "beautiful," made-up girl.

"She's beautiful both ways but I don't think she gets that," Gunn had said wistfully.

"Yep. She's hot," he replied in a stale voice. She was very pretty, but her attractiveness didn't reach him like it would most others. Beauty was fleeting and said little about one's personality. It was the shell that protected a person's true attributes from being exposed and gawked at. It wasn't often Kenji felt attracted to someone.

"She doesn't give a shit about me," Gunn said pitifully.

"Oh." Kenji didn't really know what else to say. I mean, he didn't really give a shit about Gunn either. So what could he possibly say? Oh so Emmy and I have something in common.

Kenji had a couple classes with Emmy Knight. They rarely spoke, but she was generally polite. She used to have a lot of acne in middle school. Even for puberty, it was a lot, taking up half her cheeks. It had mostly gone away now but not completely. She had curly light brown hair and glasses and always dressed like she just came from church. That was half the girls in their high school. He never saw her without her shiny, slim cross necklace. He respected her academic focus but not the people she socialized with. Anyone with a hyena pack of friends was immediately added to the list of people with copy-and-paste personalities.

"You should probably put some neosporin on that."

"Neosporin?"

"Yeah. The ointment? It helps prevent infections. They have it at 711."

Gunslinger looked down at his bloodied hands.

The only 711 in town was just down the street "We can walk over if you want."

Gunn nodded.

Gunn walked a step ahead, all the while finishing the remainder of his bottle. The 711 was empty aside from the cashier. It smelled of cardboard and freezer burned food. The lights were flickering and he began to feel a little uneasy. Kenji became easily nauseous. His body was always over-sensitive to stimuli. His sense of smell was well defined and his eyes were oversensitive to light. His hearing was so sharp that he often wore earpods when he took walks or biked around the outskirts of town.

He was thankful that Gunn was quick to find the neosporin, pay for it, and then leave. Kenji almost offered to pay, but when he noticed a wad of cash in Gunn's leather wallet, he held his tongue. He wasn't dressed very upper class but his glimmering wristwatch and pristine Nikes advertised his economic situation. He wondered how often his parents bought him a new pair.

Kenji's stomach ached, but he decided he would accompany him a little longer before heading back to the trailer park. They were lingering behind the convenient store. Gunn had his back pressed up against the wall as he stared at his feet.

"You stayin around next year?" Gunn asked.

"Unfortunately," replied Kenji quietly.

Gunn nodded as if his words were deeply penetrative. "Yeah, no, I feel that."

"You going off to college?"

"Nah. I didn't graduate so I gotta do another year. Even then, I probably won't get into a good college. I'll either have to do community college or join the army or something."

Kenji wasn't sure what to say. That sucks? That would be rude if he actually wanted to do those things. Although he couldn't imagine wanting to join the military or take another year in high school. He wondered if Gunn would maintain his popular status next year or if he'd be a laughingstock.

"Why aren't you going to college?" Gunn asked. "You always seemed pretty good at school stuff. Don't kids like you get scholarships?"

Kenji was surprised he had noticed. "Maybe. I didn't apply, so I don't know."

"Why not? What's the point of doing so well in school if you're not going to college?"

Kenji had known small-sized classrooms all his life. He may not have liked the other students but at least there weren't so many of them. College would be crowded and loud and hectic. He'd probably have to answer questions in front of lecture halls full of people. There was nothing in college for him. The sheer thought of it made him boil with anxiety.

A sharp forced laugh broke out of him. "I barely made it out of high school alive," he replied. "I'm not looking to extend my stay."

"But isn't college supposed to be...I don't know...a lot better?"

He shrugged.

He realized this was the longest conversation he'd had with someone his age in a long time. Why did Gunn care? He'd never so much as said hi to him before.

They didn't say much else before going their separate ways

He spent the next few days alone in his trailer, writing, and reading cheap Dollar Tree books on zombies. Summers made him feel simultaneously lazy and restless. The sun made him operate on low energy, but he often couldn't sit still for long periods of time. Even when he locked in on his reading, he had to get up and walk around periodically.

The Missing Page was several blocks away from his trailer park. Sweat built at the edges of his hairline from the muggy heat. It was early July and he hadn't seen a single cloud in several weeks. The bookstore didn't have air conditioning. It had a pathetic little black fan that sat on the front counter and only really succeeded in blowing strands of hair out of his eyes when he walked by. It didn't actually make the place much colder.

Kenji immediately noticed there wasn't anyone watching the store. He could steal a bag full of books and no one noticed. Not that he would ever think about doing such a thing. Borrowing however, was different.

He went into the backroom and found Leo sitting in Anthony's swivel chair, eating instant instant samyang noodles out of its cardboard cup. His chopsticks paused as it reached his lips when he saw Kenji.

"Where's Anthony?" Kenji asked, instantly hearing the subtle aggression in his voice. He made it sound like Leo had done something to him and was hiding him tied up in a closet.

Leo wore the same solemn, almost disappointed look every time Kenji looked his way. "Outside. Smoking."

It was then that Anthony appeared through the backdoor, half a cigarette pinched between his middle and ring finger. His face was riddled with stress and fatigue.

"You shouldn't leave the store unattended. Someone could walk in and out with a stack of books and you'd have no idea."

"Smoke, if you steal another book from me I'll call the police on your ass for real this time."

"So when The Book Thief does it—"

"You haven't even read that book, have you?"

"Uhhh..."

Leo was watching them out of the corner of his eye, and for whatever reason, it annoyed him. Kenji shot him a look that let him know he'd been caught. Leo's eyes flicked back to his food instantly.

"I'm going into town tomorrow. Taking the day off. Wanna go record store shopping with me?"

Kenji felt a little smile emerge. Finally something to keep him from rotting away in that trailer.